frankly, ive got no idea how come u can affect me so much.
but i guess im withdrawing... its scary...
but yet u're really impt to me..................

i miss u ( have i ever told u that? )

my blood dried @ 12:27 PM




(hey! hey! hey! hey!)Top down in the summer sun
The day we met was like a hit and run
And I still taste it on my tongue (taste it on my tongue)
The sky was burning up like fireworks
You made me want you
oh so bad it hurt
But girl, in case you haven't heard.

I used to be love drunk,
but now I'm hung over
I love you forever, forever is over
We used to kiss all night; now it's just a bar fight
So don?t call me crazy;
say hello to goodbye (okay!)Just one sip (okay!)
would make me sick
I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hung over
I love you forever, but now it's over

(hey! hey! hey! hey! hey! hey! hey! hey!)
Hot sweat and blurry eyes
We're spinning on a roller coaster ride;
the world stuck in black and white
You drove me crazy every time we touched,
now im so broken that i can't get up
Oh girl, you make me such a rush
I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hung over
I love you forever, forever is over
We used to kiss all night; now it's just a bar fight
So don?t call me crazy; Say hello to goodbye (okay!)
Just one sip (okay!) would make me sick
I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hung over
I love you forever, but now it's over

All the time I wasted on you;
All the bullshit you put me through
I'm checking into rehab
cause everything that we had
didn't mean a thing to you.

I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hung over
I love you forever, but now I'm sober
I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hung over
I love you forever, forever is over

We used to kiss all night; now it's just a bar fight
So don?t call me crazy; Say hello to goodbye (okay!)
Just one sip (okay!) would make me sickI used to be love drunk, but now I'm hung over
I love you forever, but now it's over
(na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na)

Now it's over
Still taste it on my tongue
Now it's over


hahahha wad a nice song it speaks alot ya?
have no idea y isit that everytime im nice to pple they jus treat me like bullshit.
i think i will stop being nice alr.

my blood dried @ 12:21 PM




i m stuck. so stuck in this little world. why is it that no matter wad i do i m never happy.

i tried to control my emotions. it failed.

i tried to not be nice to pple. i failed.

i tried to control my own life. i failed.


its only all about wad others want.
when have others truly think about my welfare before?

i sat there for 4hrs.
at somewhere where i dunno.
a place i'm not welcome.
but yet i still stay. not cos i wanna play. but cos i know u wan me to be there.
as time pass i feel angrier n angrier, cos i feel damn uncomfortable.
but all u did was pressing me that i cannot be angry.
how will u feel if i leave u at a place that u dunno n pple dun welcome u for 4 hrs, n only talk to u 4 times.
i know my significance.

good nite. be safe.

understanding is not gonna happen. cos i know there's only anger towards me.
stop scolding me.
i m irritated easily not for no reason.
i m stressed. i m fed up with life. do u get me?
why is it me who always have to do everything.
why cant someone do something for me for once?

wishful hope.

but i love u. dont ever doubt it.

my blood dried @ 1:40 AM




HAPPY 2ND ANNIVERSARY!
i truely enjoyed today.

steaming hot!

woohoo!

loving more n more!

good nite

i love u!

happy 732 days. :)

my blood dried @ 1:03 AM




等于结束的爱情　
我和你 从两个窗口看出去 　
往事远远地　
演著一场无声的电影没人注意 　
躲著回忆的身体　
帶领我 和你的名字向前进 　
作废的曾经　
留在离开你那天
挥不去 　
因为太了解所以很伤心　
没有你只好听著风的呼吸 　
却有种叫做时间的东西　
说没问题　
最后我们会痊癒 　
因为太了解我无法坚定　
这一次会要掉眼泪的决定 　
有些遗憾只能一个人听
很对不起　
我还是珍惜　
所有的事情

i do.

my blood dried @ 3:35 PM




i never thought doing something can be so difficult.



but that really depends on whether the person is worth it.



i get it. i'm not.



who'll go zoo with me?



who'll go road trip with me?



who'll go krabi with me?



who'll go aston with me n tell me not to eat too much?



who'll laugh at silly me for misinterpreting lyrics wrongly like pistachio, forgive MEH EH?



who'll go breakfast, lunch n dinner with me?



who'll teach me to bake?



who'll miss me?



who'll love me like i deserve to?



who'll appreciate me?

but i guess its all my wishful thinking. i've been waiting for someone to do something. silent. i got it. dun keep procrastinating n regret when its too late. thanks for all the love. i miss you too.

my blood dried @ 9:53 AM




I told myself to never go see your blog. But little did i know i’ve got no self control. Yes i saw. I thot going away with u throwing my clothes on the floor and taking my things down for me, not saying anything at all will hurts. It feels like u cant wait for me to go. But little did i know that this will hurts even more. Even at this point u still did not get wad i’m trying to tell u. Instead of pondering about wad exactly when wrong, u push it to me again and saying that its all about me. Isn’t it time to start thinking alr? I always wonder, wad’s important in a relationship.. its not money, not sex, not gifts and presents. But love, respect and communication. I’ve always been thinking for u, about u, involving u, but yet have u thought about me? For once, i started thinking about myself n yes its wrong again. I m not wrong and i’ve never been wrong? That’s jus your spiteful statement. I always love u n it have never change since the first day we’ve met. It only grew stronger. But little did i know that this love will turn into something that u taken for granted. I’ve always been telling u don’t take me for granted.yet it still happened. I thot u’ll treasure this relationship, i thot u’ll treasure our love, i thot u’ll treasure me. But the fact that u’re still saying spiteful things n not really thinking about wad i say, gave me an answer. I’m always here. For u. But things will only happen IF YOU KNOW HOW TO TREASURE IT. I’ve been waiting, but u never come. The loving baby, the sweet baby, the caring baby never come. I gave my best for this relationship, but I’m sorry i’m giving up. Its too tiring to be the only one treasuring and guarding all the treasures that we shared. Cos it hurts, it hurts to be scolded, it hurts to be taken for granted, it hurts to ................... not be loved.

my blood dried @ 10:40 PM




Happy One Year Nine Months!

banana chocolate cake from awfully chocolate is quite nice.
but it tastes different when eating alone.

i will learn to eat chocolate. for u.

my blood dried @ 1:21 AM




i love u, gave u my best. every single best thing that i can give. my life, my time, my money, my frens, my family, my dream, my hopes.

so that u can be happy.

but yet, u shout at me whenever u're unhappy, talk to me irritatedly when u're upset, ask me to fuck off or shut up simply cos i'm asking u questions out of concern.

i know i love u.

that's y i wan u.

i dun wanna say too much.

maybe u're the victim.

my blood dried @ 12:26 AM




ok i'havent been updating for long long time!
if there's still pple reading my blog, pls sms at 91002190. stupid contacts ALL GONE!~ i cant find anyone.

to ning: i'm so sorry for not being able to wish u happy birthday. i guess i was too caught up with working. but love love k? next time come back pls ask me out!

to ling! sorry i havent been contacting u. like i say contacts ALL GONE! ahhh! call me k?

back to reality.
no idea whether life's consider good or bad. but i'll endure.

i miss u!
go home now!

i know i'm random, but these are all the things in my mind now.
all crumbled.

ikea's not fun when u cant buy the things u wan.
how to spring clean?
i'm a perfectionist if u din realize.

21st bday so wad?
the thing that i wan the most is not gonna be mine.
i rather forget about it so it wouldnt be so painful.
i waited 21yrs for it to come, but ya, never. maybe when i'm 80.

new year's coming.
will it be fun?

life's weird.

unpredictable.

i'm ugly monster.

need to diet.

need to plan.

but for now, gg to eat donuts. MUNCHY DONUTS.

till den.

my blood dried @ 12:53 AM









my blood dried @ 10:50 PM






my blood dried @ 10:30 PM




OMG! how many mths din i blog?

i only hav a few things to say.
i enjoyed my trip.
i love u.
i wanna go for more trips.
i love u.
i wanna see all my frens.
i love u.
i miss all my frens dearly.
i love u.
you're my sunshine.
i love u.
& I LOVE U.


peace to the world.
lazy to type.
till den.

n if u cant get me at 91002190. pls get me at 91411227. :)

my blood dried @ 1:01 AM




dun bluff LO.
do u mind?!
killing me know!?!?
KEITH!!
ZAI!!!
shaun. (with no love in the tone)
jus a few tag line by the loves. omg.
how do u spell happiness? shaun+carrie+huiwen+zai+thunder+keith.

at her house.
had a great talk in her room. ahem. lol.
nothing much to say. except the fact that she took me to a realm to no others reach.
in love again.
so romantic la the whole atmosphere. :)
the songs are nice too.
most imptly is the company.
ver s fun. steamboat tastes extra good with her ard.

m i losing my mind?
nv like to feel vulnerable.
getting to me.
yet i trust her so much.
emotional attachment.
will learn to deal with it, for her sake.

:)
new yr. fun n great. loving.

my blood dried @ 4:43 AM




dun bluff LO.
do u mind?!
killing me know!?!?
KEITH!!
ZAI!!!
shaun. (with no love in the tone)
jus a few tag line by the loves. omg.
how do u spell happiness? shaun+carrie+huiwen+zai+thunder+keith.

at her house.
had a great talk in her room. ahem. lol.
nothing much to say. except the fact that she took me to a realm to no others reach.
in love again.
so romantic la the whole atmosphere. :)
the songs are nice too.
most imptly is the company.
ver s fun. steamboat tastes extra good with her ard.

m i losing my mind?
nv like to feel vulnerable.
getting to me.
yet i trust her so much.
emotional attachment.
will learn to deal with it, for her sake.

:)
new yr. fun n great. loving.

my blood dried @ 4:43 AM




i swear i should stop reading pple's blog.
first, i aint high. 2nd i aint drunk.
so i'll keep correcting their grammar n it annoys me.
n y y mus some PpLexXX acTuaLlY tYpE likE tHiShHh oNe wOrxXx.?!
killing me pls.

on the harder note!
i've no idea wad i deem to be normal amongst frens are wad some pple consider as flirt.
omg.
i dun deny i m interested in u.. but at this stage it means... interested in KNOWING U MORE as a fren.
i m not that scary. period.

its been long since i wrote the entry abt/for someone.
she means something.

n i miss THEY ALL! :)
stop utilising me! hahaha. nevertheless. love u all.

my blood dried @ 2:00 AM




gotta to the point whereby i dunno whther the things that i've done are correct or wrong. i love u all. isit me? or its really happening?

the wall i took yrs to build is melting. by a bundle of love that come in all shapes n sizes.

yet its scaring me. i'm too scared to fall, too scared to drop. wad if the same thing happened? or isit happening now? maybe i should jus pull myself out.

its been so long, since i last feel emotions flowing out of me. that 8 jnrs gave me heaven, gave me hell. i dun wish to go thru it again. i always hav this belief, with emotions come vulnerability.

dun doubt me. when i say i love u all. my They All.


if i do anything tell me, dun hide it. cos it'll eat u alive. our friendship are strong enough for that rite? tell me yes.

my blood dried @ 1:06 AM




wow!!! the revival of the twits wORxXx.. duNcH eUuUuU tInK iT'S rEaLLy tImE cOnSumiNg tO bE tyPinG lidAtXxxxxxX oNe lEhXxX??? hahah. that was the theme for our church chalet this yr. though it is self proclaim. it jus brings back memory of us typing lidat when we were young n assuming that to be tlre cOoL wOrxXx... hahaha.

i dunno when will be the next time i actually update this freaking thing. but ya. shall do it now i guess. not much to say cos i'm not in the state of emotions unstability. however i'm totally tired from work. will i actually adapt to that environment? will i made good frens there. apparently it needs time to prove everything. but so far bar is really tiring n pple are not really that nice. except a few floor staffs. wadeva. i will be fine!

seriously, leweena ng chin fen, u've no idea how much i miss u. i know its a futile attempt to profess how much i miss u in this entry or in any future entry. its jus a way to let out wad is inside me i guess. 4 yrs gone by, little did i know that everything, every memories with u are still so vivid in my mind. will i ever get to see u one more time n say a sorry to u? will u forgive me though till now i still dun understand wad happened...? i think i mite hav hutrt u but jus rmb that i love u the most. the love is still counting to date.

it was jus a moment for reminiscing n i realize i miss krystal, kailin, maylene n the 7 little royal family. will we be able to be close again?

life is full of unexpected shits. i dare look towards the future for fear of disappointment. yet looking backward will only pull u away from reality. wad should i do?
















this question is profound.











till den.

my blood dried @ 11:03 PM




gone are the days where innocent spirits roam freely.
wad follows are the advocate of homeless bum.

will i survive till the end of the race?
or
will i succumb to the harsh reality of exam pressure?

siren bang.
chicken croaks.
cow meows.
dog purrs.
goat moos.
fish tans.
snake hiss.
lion barks.

tell me when everything is right pls.

my blood dried @ 3:22 PM




*not for the faint hearted

wait till today to post something for u. not that i forgot abt it. i jus din wan it to haf a substantial impact on my life.

was thinking of deletingthe previous post. however sometimes once said it can never be taken back. i know it mite jus signal the end of a ONCE REALLY CLOSE friendship. if that's the case then so be it. i couldnt careless.

or maybe i'm jus being a sensitive, dormineering freak? hey! maybe i should really delete it huh?

but anyway, ur present is with me. we'll see how to pass to u den.

[[happy birthday to u, happy birthday to u happy birthday to uuuuuuuuuuu. happy birthday to u!!]]

* i still do not see light at how to forget how i'm treated. (but i will delete the post)

my blood dried @ 11:47 AM




*i always feel so MISSED whenever i see new tag! :)

beside being a total lazy bum, she's being a total procrastinator.
its only end of PART 1 prelim n she feel as if its the end of the marathon.
worse, she spent the whole day reading COMICS BOOK, instead of gg to some school n showing gratitude to some of her benefactors.

maybe she misplaced her heart.

simple things like calling her darling tiffany, she'll keep pushing it aside n keep saying "tml... jus tml i will call!" tiff darling! if u're reading this, i think u should come to my house n slap me. lols.

yes will persevere on, its not a prob. jus 3 more mths to the end of the marathon. :)


(i thot i said till december?)

my blood dried @ 4:07 PM




NEW TEMPLATE!! lols

i'm very confused at wad m i actually feeling.
but i've decided to brush it aside and wait for further notice.
basically time will tell everything.
all i know is i miss certain pple more than i should.

i've come to this junction of my life.
its either break or make it. henceforth, i choose the latter. seems like the smarter choice.

now its jus mugging and mugging n mugging.


u mite be the one for me.


till december! :)

my blood dried @ 2:30 AM




qns: what wld u do if a bird poo on ur face?

ans: i will open my mouth, point at it den say, AIM PROPERLY! :))

hahas. shittified day. but someone brightened it. how simple can my life get? hahs.

well, went back home with rebecca after trg.. talked abt lotsa things, she sure makes my brain work man. lols. maybe i shld consider vegetarian diet too? i will wilt and dilapidate..


till long long time ltr den!

my blood dried @ 12:00 AM




its really the smallest thing in life that makes the grreatest impact.

halt! today i WILL NOT pin point on the person.

all i wanted to say is... an email is enuff to know whether a person treats u as a fren and appreciate u anot. dun blame me if i'm nasty to u. u asked for it. or rather u all asked for it. except for 1 i suppose. i care she dun care, i care she care. i dun care she care. now we both care.. but discreetly.

n to YOU.. trust me.. i will NOT tell u if i were to leave. so here it is. BYE N I WONT SEE U AGN. u truely disappoint me o the maximum times 10!

p/s: YOU do read my blog.. n if my fellow readers, if u start asking urself m i the one she's talking about.. n u have absolutely no idea wad m i talking abt den NAH.. u're not the one.. but if u were to know wad m i talking abt.. that person COULD be u..

till den.

my blood dried @ 12:02 AM




alright i'm in a i-really-dunno-wad-to-do-now-and-its-really-too-early-for-me-to-slp mood.
welcome to mine. CLASSROOM
and the topic i'm gonna discussed with my fellow reader(s) is " the power of thesaurus and english language."

the first word is "SEX"
according to oxford dictionary, sex = intercourse.
and thesaurus gave a few sycronyms to it.
[affinity, appeal, attraction, coition, coitus, copulation, courtship, desire, fornication, generation, intimacy, libido, love, lovemaking, magnetism, relations, reproduction, sensuality, sexuality]

now my fellow readers, do u see the power of english language? it gives u the substratal answer to the world most abstruse question. What Is LOVE?

so let's refer to above.
sex=love-----------(1)
sex=reproduction--------------(2)

maths formula applies here.
therfore (1)=(2)
love=reproduction
tada!! we found the answer to the question.

ergo, my dear readers, pls do say i love u perspicaciously.
because it can simply means, i wanna reproduce with u.

:)

till then.

my blood dried @ 11:36 PM




wow. din realized i actually sto blogging for so long.
laziness is jus EATING ME ALIVE.
one day, jus one day i'm sure blogger will close down my account jus like wad flashbox is doing to me.

trg jus finished.
n i realized whenever i finished trg there'll be one person in my mind. n it's everytime thing.
it spells something isnt it?
so i'm gonna dedicate something to u. though i know u wouldnt see this. or even IF u do see it, i guess u'll jus dismiss it as shemin is jus joking.
fine. i'm joking.

to CHAI KAI LIN (spelling out ur full name actually shows how confident i m that u will NEVER see this post. lols) :
anw, i dun think i have much to say....
but jus wanna let u know, u're one of the person that changed my character MOST drastically.
well for worst or for better it depends on individual rite?
i would say its bad.
i suppsoe u dunno that too.
jus miss the kailin last time.
period.
done with that.
now i jus know one thing.....
I MISS YOU.

n that island creamery person is AMAZINGLY gorgeous. or cos she looks like a combination of wan ting and emileen.
sometimes its jus not good to have all the good things in one body.
yet she pull it off so well.
lols. my inspiration to work there. hope u're still there when i graduate from sa.

i've learnt to look at thigns from another view.
surprisingly, it's greener happier and more wonderful.
its jus like durians taste nicer in malaysia than singapore.
lols. i suck at analogy.
period.

n i miss my girlfriendSSSSS. :)

till then.

my blood dried @ 11:35 PM




am i really wrong in everything i do?

am i wrong in taking things seriously?

m i wrong in caring?

m i wrong in being strong?

m i jus wrong?


i dunno the answer to all the question.
questions, emotions came crashing down on me yday.
we could have been the one playing at toa payoh.
so near yet so far.

woke up this morning.
no motivation to go school.
no emotions.
jus lost.
no zest. nothing.

sometimes i wish i were u.
so innocent.
so naive.
so dense.
absolutely contented with life
clueless to whatever are happening around u.
maybe i'm jealous.
jealous that u've no emotions.
fear to go near u.
coz u jus seems to have the life i wish to have.
n everytime i see u, ur life jus seems to get beta n beta.
n the worst thing is, u've absolutely no idea that ur life is so PERFECT.
maybe u should start to not look at things so positively.
not everyone is born good. most have an evil self in them.
n lastly, spare a thought for other pple's feelings.

will i collaspe one day?
strongness is jus a front.

i will go n support the darlings today. :))

my blood dried @ 1:02 PM




min2amelia: oh u know my blog? hahaha i thot its a well kept secret! n i'm proud of u too. U CAN RUN!! ahah. i thot u'll jus dance ur way thru 200m. hahah.


well my life is a screweeed up....... i foresee it to be even worse in the days to come. it've nv been good anyway. wad's good in my life will NEVER last. used to it alr la. lol.


take the pains away pls.

my blood dried @ 4:51 PM




it takes awhile for u to actually find out who are those pple that include u in their lives....

my blood dried @ 10:34 PM




i din dare to listen to this song for fear of gg thru that scene again.
but now wad pains me more, is..
the team that promise to fight tgt.
the promise of we'll get it next yr tgt.
the dream of not forsaking each other.
it was all a fallacy.
something that i created in a moment of fantasy.

nowadays, nv seems to haf the courage to walk near the netball table. maybe coz i'm afraid to see the genuine care n concern they haf for each other. n that remind me of my own dream. i'm sorry i wasnt of much help. maybe its all my fault. i wish u all all the best. but i wont gif up. trust in the Lord with all your heart n lean not on ur own understanding. will rmb that.

dream will come true.

my blood dried @ 10:36 PM




maybe its jus something about me. i din showed how i felt then. but the moment i saw the 2 of them walked up. i knew something was coming.maybe was jus too good at hiding emotions. but truely, it touched my heart. nv could haf imagined i will be treated like this. felt like a real king. truely loved n blessed with angels in my life.
some pple emphasize on socratic introspection. but i dun see a need to. certain things jus dun need an explanation for it. if its meant to be it will be. i nv questioned y. met the few of u. my huang hou, kazhua, gong zhu n zifei. u all truely light up my life, in a way u'll nv imagine. if u ever wonder do u make a difference in someone's life. trust me. u did. n that person dedicate this entry to u.

it was a sumptous dinner. one filled with loves and happiness and defenitely delicacies. but actually even if we're eating Ah Kun Kaya toast i will still be happy coz its the company n not the foods that touched the hearts(though i'll always rmb how we eat till we wanna puke! haha.). looking at the photos we took at Sakae. i'm overwhelmed by nostalgic moments in life. how we'll play ball during recess n after sch. sitting tgt before sch. crapping after trg. times when u all hafta put up with my nonsense. though it was only a short period of one yr. but truely its the happiest one yr of my life. that one yr will only be the foundation of where our friendship lies. where it'll be build upon. n for once i'm thankful that i got retained. not for any other reason, but jus to meet u all.

so many dreams i kept deep inside me. alone in the dark but now u all come along. u light up my life. jus wanna say thanks for everything. everything single things in our lives, be it good or bad. believe me. i wanna be part of it. u'll never EVER be alone alright? every single one of u, though we're in different jc alr. u'll be someone i hold dear to my heart..

class sang happy bday for me. though it wasnt much. but really its the thot that counts. den my little track team celebrated for me too. nv knew such a individual event sport can be so fun. but now i know. its SAJC Track & Field team. trg ended early so went to eat tau huay as usual. everyday is tau huay day rmb? :) got little hiccups there, den miss tan treated all of us to tau huay. n i got a surprise.! pong bought black forest cake n everyone celebrateed for me. a pleasant surprise!! thanks tiff, cranky, mfgf, pong, miss tan, ah bao, yew wei n the rest. truely touched! lastly vball team also celebrated for me. though short but it jus brought smiles to the faceeeee. :) lovesss!

010306. the day to remember. love felt. happiness enhanced. prayer answered.

HAKUNA MATATA!!

my blood dried @ 12:37 AM




i tink i'm suppressing something that's waiting to evolve from within me.
yet everytime something happened, it got rekindled once again.
a good example. my dream.
(that's for u)

everything that we do tgt, it reminds me of her.
someone that i miss too much.
its conforting yet distracting, especially in crucial times like this that will actually decide ur future.
i dunno how i feel.
there was this person, she reminded me of all the bad things that someone did to me.
but u... u simply showed me how innocent life can be.
if i really plucked up my courage for everything. trust me. u'll be the happiest person on earth.
cant gif u the best in the world.
but i will gif u the best i can.
i missshh euuuuuuuu..


4 more days to impt dates! :)

my blood dried @ 11:28 PM




ok everybody repeat after me!

i will make it a point to update at least once a week!!


maybe i should stop running away from things. it gets tougher we all noe. but its not the time to give up now. rmb, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going! :)

i will survive.

n now i officially announced i am the God of Gamble.
lol. won over 300 bucks n this happened every yr. maybe the new casino is meant for me. lol.


till then

my blood dried @ 1:46 PM




i miss u.
i really do.

the beginning of the yr.
started really badly.
fell for someone that i shouldnt.
did something that i ought to be shot for.

but all i wanna say.
i tink 2006 is gonna SUCKS!

my blood dried @ 10:53 PM




I FOUND IT. I REALLY FOUND IT!!!!!



but is it a comforting thing? i dunno. i jus find myself missing u more n more each time i read it.

the all-i-wan-is-to-see-u-one-more-time feeling is getting stronger.

n in times like this when i'm like this useless irritating bum, i think i wouldnt dare to see.

well. wad can i say? even pple that i hope will bother actually dun.

maybe i'm jus that insignificant.

my blood dried @ 12:28 AM




i jus added NEW WISH LIST! take initiative pls! haha.

i am waiting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my blood dried @ 1:24 AM




though u're my companion n love for the past 1 month. i love every part of u. from ur body to ur ribosomes, i vow i really love u. especially the legs. (LOL!) but the ending is DISGUSTING!!!!!

my blood dried @ 11:16 PM




i'm motivated by ma xiaoling, that i will not drop a single tear. little did i realized that its harder than i imagined it to be. yet, i'm still succeeding in doing that.

life's not the kindest thing on earth. jus when u wish u can jus crumple n let everyone else do everything. u realized ur biggest enemy is actually is actually urself. den when u decided to stay strong. life decided to play a JOKE on u. everything come AT ONE GO.

jus quarrelled with her. isit so hard for u to jus look at things from a positive view? muz u always look at me as if i'm some satan reborn? if u do hate me so much, pls, gif me some time to sort out everything i will leave. u said u care, where? which part.? sorry ur care n concern is jus like a time bomb. i dunno when its care n when its gonna be a calmness before storm care. everything i do is wrong. muz everything need an explanation. i've alr been hurt very deeply by my own teammates, u're my only immediate family, muz u make me go thru the same thing too? i tried, really, to my utmost best to actually pls u, make u happy. but nothing i do actually prove anything. its jus a shadow to u. or a front to help me achieve my target. but haf i asked anything from u? i only asked one thing in my whole entire life from u, n that's for u to be happy n healthy. since young, u taught me to be independent. or rather i should say, i was forced into learning it. tell me, who will be happy facing the 4 walls the whole day. when i needed someone to help me to make a simple decision, someone to take something for me while i was doing something like bathing, i asked for ur help. to my realization, u're not at home. silence greeted. u're not there. i know it's tiring for u to be out the whole day, so i tried to not to make u worry. yet the moment u come home u decided to find faults in the tinest things anyone can find. so i left house early come back late to avoid seeing u. its all predestined, u win, u're later den me. i know i love u. i jus doesnt know how to express everything to u. n its the same for u. i tried to gradually improve the relationship, it was to no avail. someone once told me, "be careful wad u wish for, coz it mite jus be true." i nv once dare to wish u'll be gone. coz i dun think i will be strong enuff for that. life had taught me that things are everchanging, u wouldnt know wad will happen the next min. so everytime when u leave my sight, there's always this fear that u mite jus not be there anymore. the later u come back, the more worried i am. n when the phone rang my heart beats so fast it feels like it'll jump out from my mouth. i m afraid it will be someone telling me u met with some mishap. i jus wan us to be able to talk without screaming at each other. to be truthful to each other. but this route seems so farfetch. i dun ask for anything now, jus wan Him to let u be happy n free from any mishaps. if the condition for that to happen is for someone to take it for u. i will gladly take it. i love u.

maybe i m or haf been thinking too much. but y m i so strong? or isit jus a front? actually i'm the weakest creature on earth. in 4 days, the tears welled up n went back in more than 60 occasions. strong is jus a fallacy everyone created for me, n i slowly fell into that fallacy too. now when its time for me to collapse n fell, i din know how to. or becoz i cant. i need to be the pillar, i need to be strong. i need to be the shoulder den being the one borrowing the shoulder. I DUN HAVE THE RIGHT TO COLLAPSE.

little did i know that i've been missing u for the past 3years 3mths 9days n still counting. i jus wish to see u another time.

the tears. more than 61 times now.

my blood dried @ 1:30 AM













i will not drop a single tear.









my blood dried @ 11:26 PM




y do i wanna blog when i dun even know blogging do WAD GOOD?

the only thing i hafta say is, finally i realized where i stand.

nv knew it'll be that hurting when it come out from the pple closest to ur heart.

too many things are going thru the mind.

i jus need a word.

to tell me i'm not such a useless n detestable person.

i nv knew i'm that pest.

i guess i shall make myself scram.

sorry to bother u all.

my blood dried @ 11:58 PM




the next entry mite be a long long time later.

you know i wont run away. i will always stay till the end. its jus me. though i said something else but in my heart it means another. trust me, think of me whenever u need someone, coz i will definitely be the first to be there. without a doubt.

I'm perplexed by the queer things that happened yday. even now, i'm still baffled at what has been going on,and what has happened. is it wrong or right? i guess it's wrong because we're supposed to be moving on.

I try to push away the constant thoughts, the wanting, the need, the love, replace it with numb calmness and dead oblivion. i'm succeeding. :) halt to the king! we're not pathetic, we're not miserable. and it's okay that we're going un-noticed and forgotten. at least, we're following our hearts in what ever matters concerned. hohoho how true. :)

[[In the years to come.
Will you think about these moments that we shared.
In the years to come.
Are you gonna think it over?

Nothing lasts forever though we want it to.
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you.

Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in your heart
Is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me
Though its the hardest thing to say
I miss you in every way.

In a year from now
Maybe there'll be things we'll wish we never said
In a year from now
Maybe we'll see each other
Standing on the same street corner, no regrets

Each and every end is always written in the stars.
If only I could stop the world, I'd make this last.

And when you need my arms to run into
I'll come for you
Nothing will ever change the way I feel.
Because a true love never dies. ]]

i guess its all summarize here. u play a major part in my life, u still do n u always will.

i wish i nv wake up today. the moment i do, part of me seems to be missing n OUCH. fuji apple save the day with a few cherries n strawberries accompany! :)

realized i've nv tell u something. maybe one day u'll know wad's that.


[[464779686295363]]

till den.

my blood dried @ 4:33 PM




i have absolutely no idea wad m i feeling.
maybe i'm too afraid to accept wad happened to the extend that i fear getting anywhere close to that.
the emotions are stirring.

y do i feel like i'm reliving those nightmares.
i will do anything not to feel that way.
n i mean anything.

i saw the state of my heart in future.
not here nor there.
juz, gone.
gone with the wind.

questions have been ringing in my head.
i m not perfect.
i m not saint.
i m no angel
but its the love n faith that keep me going.

i guess it should be time to let the head rule over the mind.
i hafta grow up.
simply, i'm afraid.



should i stay, should i go?


till then.

my blood dried @ 2:37 PM




let me see.
highlight of the week. SORE EYES. SHIT!
n i seriously mean SHIT! lol.
forget it. wad's done cannot be undone. -bite my mother-

alright. i cant go back to where i used to be. it wont do me or pple ard me any good.
trust me when i say i'm not a nice person.
dun push it idiots!
:)

had a phone call. omg. a phone call that i've waited for 4 yrs for. a phone call that i nv thot will ever come. haha. 6 hrs of chatting n we can chat even more. but due to her stupid FIANCE! she gonna go. f**k that ass**le! lol. hey, i know u read this, so ya, sometimes doing things on impulse will only make u bruise ultimately. think properly alright? need any help feel free to come to me. :) yes i'm an angel! hahaha. n ya wad u said make sense. i will think about it. its hard for me to stand up agn. one time is enuff to kill. u know it. but i will give it a try. n, we'll be colleagues one day. that day will come. :)

read some articles somewhere. dunno y the protective gear programmed itself to start working again.

i swear i have very STRONG gut feelings. promise me. dun hide anything from me.

n ya, maybe all memories should be gone from my brain. coz someone said. since memories cant be relived again then y bother to keep it. how true.

nothing to say. dun feel like saying.

till then.

my blood dried @ 2:24 PM




i finally found the answer. thanks.

it took me 3 freaking long years to find that out.

it feels like an egg broke, and all the contents inside juz came rushing out. get wad i mean? everything juz seems to make sense. al least for now. it feel so.. good.

did i juz mention that i had itchy eyes?!

n thanks for letting me know the ans. :)

till then.

my blood dried @ 11:49 PM




oh dun u juz love teachers' day?! haha.
u'll know secrets about ur teachers that u nv imagine u'll know when u're in that school!
now u're out, u feel like u're part of the big big AUTHORITY circle. when they'll let u in with teeny weeny GOSSIPS!! lol.
like who is dating who.
who's gf/bf look like jon J/pamela andersen, or looked too sorry to even describe. LOL.!
fill me with more! :D

i did some studying today. cant say i'm totally productive. but hey! i study din i?! :D
i concluded that i have very very short attention span.
a few hrs in woodlands n awhile in cck. den that's it. i cant take it anymore. haha. suppsoed to go to east coast for bbq. i'm surprised she actually asked me to go. n she say she'll pei me! ahha. -look at knee-
i tink i beta dun. :)
ENJOY URSELF!!! -waves-

i feel like an angel today! -beams-
how nice it is to feel angelic.
come everyone! special request?
name it n u shall get it.
area only range from woodlands to jurong, or woodlands to sengkang.
price: depend on my mood. lol.

she woke up in the morning, only to feel this lostness. thinking about wad's gonna happened or wad is happening she realized she missed someone more than she's supposed to. suddenly lose faith in wadeva she believe, she decided to live that day like a living zombie. maybe she is destined to be lidat. only able to see pple around her happy, yet she herself feeling like a fool, someone who dun deserve anything. she is used to it. she teared.

i can feel IT coming. shit! lol.

till den.

my blood dried @ 11:11 PM




i can never haf the life that i wish i have.

u like my life? take it. i'm sick of it.

dun haunt me. i'm fragile.

max.

revive.

please.


till den.

my blood dried @ 3:20 PM




2 days of blogging. woohoo!

had teacher's day celebration. trust me. its the most pathetic one i've ever seen. fun here and there but nothing compare to previous ones. the atmosphere is juz, wrong.

n i guess i feel out of place there. i dun care abt anything anymore. if that's how pple wanna treat pple den go ahead. u know wad? i dun gif a SHIT. pple were once special but if they wanna judge others juz by looking at things from the surface. they are not worth ur attention at all.

random. :) "wadeva that lift u up mite be the ultimate one to make u fall." how true.

had a dream. i dreamt of u. it was at a swimming pool (dun ask me y there i dunno either). crowded to the extent of suffocating. saw u amidst the crowds. chase after u, but u disappeared. not long after, went for lunch with a bunch of kakis, n saw u there. went over n said hi, n we actually hugged each other. smiled n sat down to talk. den someone came over n exclamed " wad is she doing here?! never expect myself to ever see u again......... but i miss u." den we hugged too. n she sat down to join us. how nice to reconcile. :) den me n u talked for really really long before we go to east coast together. talked abt everything under the sun. heart to heart i guess. n juz before i ask the impt question, u disappeared.

it had such a big impact on me, i cant get it off my head the whole day. wad does it mean? doesnt know. i will know in due time. i hope.

pple once said, i mite haf a strong front, but i haf a vulnerable character to pple that i actually care for. n normally when i care, i really care. then those pple will take me for granted. how true once again. den only when i gave up caring, they realized the impact i had in their lives n try to make me come back. sorry, feelings lost will never be the same again.

kbox is really fun. thank little girls. :) more next time k??

i fell too deep. all the talks we had. u can be totally truthful to me. n i will be towards u. haf anything to ask, juz ask. dun hide anything alright? if not, one day the doubts mite become misunderstandings. i'm stronger den u tink i am. at least i will try to be. everything are safe with me. coz u know u'll be safe ard me. i will do everything i can to protect u.

am i thinking too much or its really the way i tink it is?

everything seems to go wrong nowadays. n i mean seriously wrong. but all it takes is a smile from u n it sets everything right.

love is juz a word until u gave it a meaning.

till den.

my blood dried @ 10:16 PM




i'm a contented shit. trust me. little things made me happy.
:)
u've no idea how happy i was. din know how to react coz everyone were there. i know i looked emotionless. but that's my face i guess.
yes i'm damn surprised n happy.
thank u. :)

i know i summarized too much. but no words express my thots.
dilemma #01 - do i go beach tml or go back to sec sch?
dilemma #02 - should i buy that pair of NEW shoes? :)
dilemma #03 - wad in the world am i thinking?

i tink i'm turning weird.

that's not a new label. its me! :)

i love cha ye dan. for certain reason.

till den.

my blood dried @ 11:09 PM




yes i did it ONCE AGAIN.
do i need to repeat the same mistake TWICE?
pulled the same ligament 2 times. how am i gonna ever recover?

but juz when i was at my most painful period.
she keep flashing in my mind.
n all i can tink about was, i need her.

maybe, juz maybe one day it'll turn out to be beta.
we'll talk. heart to heart and thrash everything out.
pretenting to care and ACTUALLY caring are very different thing.
i rather we be straight forward n tell each other straight then pretending to care for fear of hurting each other.
the most basic thing of any relationship is trust.
yet this is the thing we lack.
tell me everything is not a wrong choice.

i m stronger than i imagined i m. (i hope)

till den.

my blood dried @ 1:23 PM




oh shit wad haf i done?!
did i juz read that?
i thot i told myself nv to read any?

one entry if enuff to confused me though.
ok now i'm confused. totally.

n u know wad. u touched my heart, my soul. wad makes u different, makes u beautiful to me. When i look at u, i see something rare, a rose that can grow anywhere.And there is no one I know that can compare. u don't know how u touch my life. all in so many ways. u taught me what love is supposed to be. i saw the little things that make u beautiful to me.
that wasnt sweet talking. i meant it from the bottom of my heart. as each day passed, i'm surer of wad i wan n how i feel. but i'm juz scared to try.

i juz hafta keep psycho-ing myself.

so much more to say but no words can express it. but i juz know. imu. i really do.

phone call! :)

till den.

my blood dried @ 10:56 PM

sheem.
010387.
fuchunian.
nanyang girl.
saints.
volleyball.
track&field.
isolated team player.
vehemently cold.
obscure simplicity.









-bangkok trip
-taiwan trip
-hongkong trip
-class chalet
-crumpler bag
-new clothes
-scuba diving license
-flying license
-drifting license
-comics hunting trip
-black & lime green nike leather bag
-belt
-myuk wallet
-limited edition nike dunks
-donate blood for 10th time
-OCIP
-watch Victoria Secret's Live show
-happpy!
:
:
:
:
( to be continued )




November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
July 2007
October 2007
January 2008
April 2008
November 2008
February 2009
March 2009
October 2009



myself. for the effort put into doing this while Ipod is charging.
everyone :))