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Tuesday, December 07, 2004

"was thinking about writing about what had happened,however i didn't really want to talk about my problems now. after i got to my first sentence, i scraped the idea and decided to do something more discreet. i hate regrets, thats why i try not to look back at the paths ive chosen. no matter what, i know whatever road i take, the other choice would seem more appealing in the end -- call it human nature. updating this blog is sometimes really difficult, especially when i cant put into words how i feel. and most of the time, im thinking: what the hell am i talking about? im so tired of hoping; so tired of being nothing but a play thing to every person im with. i dont understand why some people dont take me seriously. i wish i could be more than that; more than some life size puppet for someone else to control. like a puppet, im nothing without someone holding on to my strings; im too dependent on people and i hate myself for that.people who know you on such a basic level always try to lend you a helping hand when you're in need, but you don't usually accept their help because you don't know them,even though you truly appreciate it.its like a .. courtesy thing;you don't overweigh their own load with yours. then you fall into this whirlpool of self pity and self hate; i'm falling, i'm drowning;and the worst thing is, no one can save me except for myself"

got the extract from someone's blog...
i din know it all comes back in a circle...
never knew i'll feel the same way as u do...
but maybe coz we're all human?

to God:
i'm tired alright?i tried..tried really hard...but everything to no avail..isit wad u mean by trials?den y dun i see the others facing it too? it's like i jumped over 1 hurdle..the next one is juz rite in front of me.. with no time to rest...when will the race ever end? pls dun create me, to see wad a fool i'll become.. i'm not as strong as u tink.. i haf faith in u, i put all my hope in u.. y...y muz u trampled on my hope EVERYTIME? if you hate me... tell me.. dun make me guess n start doubting myself whether i'm wrong agn...agn...n agn... i dun wanna everytime get this kinda treatment...

thanks....
i'm fine..


my blood dried @ 1:11 PM