Wednesday, May 25, 2005
everytime i wanna say something, i forgot wad i wanna say by the time i reach my com...
yeah!... i finally know the reality of life.. i learned it thru the HARD way..
to my teammates:
though i know u all will nv see this..coz u all dun even know i haf a blog.. but to rox, milk, cheryl, sand, huei, jas, laylay... i'm sorry i'm not contributing anything at all.. i thot i could improve.. i thot i could provide some help.. i thot i will at least gif some support... i thot..... but everything was juz the exact opposite.. i really mean it when i say i care n love all of u.. u all gave me the strength i nv had when i was at my lowest moments... little gestures like saying u wouldnt frenz me if we lose, like setting balls to me, like standing juz behind me to bao gong while i'm spiking, like walking around th botanical garden n chatting with me, like ponning GP n haf a heart to heart talk with me..like bickering with me over our tones.. like going home with me.. but yet.. all i do was nothing! nothing to contribute at all.. good balls or bad balls i juz remain this emotionless face, n when i'm emotionless, i affected u all, making u all think i'm angry.. n if i'm really pissed off with myself, i affected u all, making every balls that was given to me, wasted.. i became lazy, became complacent, became proud, became a BURDEN.. became useless.. but i nv thot i will meet such nice pple.. furthermore, as my teammates, though we haf our fair shares of fights n stupid coldwars, we forgive each other very quickly.. i thank God for all of u in my life.. really, each n everyone of u is a gift, a really precious gift to me..
but i'm sorry.. i juz wasnt good enuff.. i hope i can be useful too.. sorry..
to my mother:
yes i know typing here no use.. i ought to say it to u personally..but i juz couldnt let down my pride to do tat.. i'm sorry tat i'm always so rude, so harsh, so expressionless towards u.. i juz didnt know how to express.. n i'm juz always so harsh to the pple i love the most.. i know days are unpredicted, n i hafta treasure everyone ard me.. i did for everyone... but not u.. the pride in me, the irritating pride in me which i juz cant let go.. i'm sorry.. but i really love u alot.. coz u're my mother..
yes xiaoning.. i did learn something today.. i learnt that i was no where near ok.. i learnt i was no where near the others.. i learnt that i became complacent..i learnt that i became lazy.. i learnt that i wasnt of much help.. i learnt that i juz wasnt good enuff.. i learnt that i need to find the missing pieces back.. i learnt that i hafta improve.. i learnt that
i haf really nice teammates...so much to say, yet so little words to express..
my blood dried @ 10:53 PM
Saturday, May 21, 2005
have u ever thot abt this..... wad will u do if the person or thing tat can make u happy is the one that hurt u the most?!school hasnt been good..
something that i thot to be PERFECT all the time seems to be gone.. its no more!
~*sorry i'm lost for words......
my blood dried @ 5:11 PM