Saturday, November 26, 2005
though u're my companion n love for the past 1 month. i love every part of u. from ur body to ur ribosomes, i vow i really love u. especially the legs. (LOL!) but the ending is
DISGUSTING!!!!!
my blood dried @ 11:16 PM
i'm motivated by ma xiaoling, that i will not drop a single tear. little did i realized that its harder than i imagined it to be. yet, i'm still succeeding in doing that.
life's not the kindest thing on earth. jus when u wish u can jus crumple n let everyone else do everything. u realized ur biggest enemy is actually is actually urself. den when u decided to stay strong. life decided to play a JOKE on u. everything come AT ONE GO.
jus quarrelled with her. isit so hard for u to jus look at things from a positive view? muz u always look at me as if i'm some satan reborn? if u do hate me so much, pls, gif me some time to sort out everything i will leave. u said u care, where? which part.? sorry ur care n concern is jus like a time bomb. i dunno when its care n when its gonna be a calmness before storm care. everything i do is wrong. muz everything need an explanation. i've alr been hurt very deeply by my own teammates, u're my only immediate family, muz u make me go thru the same thing too? i tried, really, to my utmost best to actually pls u, make u happy. but nothing i do actually prove anything. its jus a shadow to u. or a front to help me achieve my target. but haf i asked anything from u? i only asked one thing in my whole entire life from u, n that's for u to be happy n healthy. since young, u taught me to be independent. or rather i should say, i was forced into learning it. tell me, who will be happy facing the 4 walls the whole day. when i needed someone to help me to make a simple decision, someone to take something for me while i was doing something like bathing, i asked for ur help. to my realization, u're not at home. silence greeted. u're not there. i know it's tiring for u to be out the whole day, so i tried to not to make u worry. yet the moment u come home u decided to find faults in the tinest things anyone can find. so i left house early come back late to avoid seeing u. its all predestined, u win, u're later den me. i know i love u. i jus doesnt know how to express everything to u. n its the same for u. i tried to gradually improve the relationship, it was to no avail. someone once told me, "be careful wad u wish for, coz it mite jus be true." i nv once dare to wish u'll be gone. coz i dun think i will be strong enuff for that. life had taught me that things are everchanging, u wouldnt know wad will happen the next min. so everytime when u leave my sight, there's always this fear that u mite jus not be there anymore. the later u come back, the more worried i am. n when the phone rang my heart beats so fast it feels like it'll jump out from my mouth. i m afraid it will be someone telling me u met with some mishap. i jus wan us to be able to talk without screaming at each other. to be truthful to each other. but this route seems so farfetch. i dun ask for anything now, jus wan Him to let u be happy n free from any mishaps. if the condition for that to happen is for someone to take it for u. i will gladly take it. i love u.
maybe i m or haf been thinking too much. but y m i so strong? or isit jus a front? actually i'm the weakest creature on earth. in 4 days, the tears welled up n went back in more than 60 occasions. strong is jus a fallacy everyone created for me, n i slowly fell into that fallacy too. now when its time for me to collapse n fell, i din know how to. or becoz i cant. i need to be the pillar, i need to be strong. i need to be the shoulder den being the one borrowing the shoulder. I DUN HAVE THE RIGHT TO COLLAPSE.
little did i know that i've been missing u for the past 3years 3mths 9days n still counting. i jus wish to see u another time.
the tears. more than 61 times now.
my blood dried @ 1:30 AM
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
i will not drop a single tear.
my blood dried @ 11:26 PM
Monday, November 07, 2005
y do i wanna blog when i dun even know blogging do WAD GOOD?
the only thing i hafta say is, finally i realized where i stand.
nv knew it'll be that hurting when it come out from the pple closest to ur heart.
too many things are going thru the mind.
i jus need a word.
to tell me i'm not such a useless n detestable person.
i nv knew i'm that pest.
i guess i shall make myself scram.
sorry to bother u all.
my blood dried @ 11:58 PM