its mine.

2009-10-02T12:27:00.002+08:00

frankly, ive got no idea how come u can affect me so much.
but i guess im withdrawing... its scary...
but yet u're really impt to me..................

i miss u ( have i ever told u that? )

2009-10-02T12:21:00.002+08:00

(hey! hey! hey! hey!)Top down in the summer sun
The day we met was like a hit and run
And I still taste it on my tongue (taste it on my tongue)
The sky was burning up like fireworks
You made me want you
oh so bad it hurt
But girl, in case you haven't heard.

I used to be love drunk,
but now I'm hung over
I love you forever, forever is over
We used to kiss all night; now it's just a bar fight
So don?t call me crazy;
say hello to goodbye (okay!)Just one sip (okay!)
would make me sick
I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hung over
I love you forever, but now it's over

(hey! hey! hey! hey! hey! hey! hey! hey!)
Hot sweat and blurry eyes
We're spinning on a roller coaster ride;
the world stuck in black and white
You drove me crazy every time we touched,
now im so broken that i can't get up
Oh girl, you make me such a rush
I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hung over
I love you forever, forever is over
We used to kiss all night; now it's just a bar fight
So don?t call me crazy; Say hello to goodbye (okay!)
Just one sip (okay!) would make me sick
I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hung over
I love you forever, but now it's over

All the time I wasted on you;
All the bullshit you put me through
I'm checking into rehab
cause everything that we had
didn't mean a thing to you.

I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hung over
I love you forever, but now I'm sober
I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hung over
I love you forever, forever is over

We used to kiss all night; now it's just a bar fight
So don?t call me crazy; Say hello to goodbye (okay!)
Just one sip (okay!) would make me sickI used to be love drunk, but now I'm hung over
I love you forever, but now it's over
(na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na)

Now it's over
Still taste it on my tongue
Now it's over

hahahha wad a nice song it speaks alot ya?
have no idea y isit that everytime im nice to pple they jus treat me like bullshit.
i think i will stop being nice alr.

2009-03-14T01:40:00.002+08:00

i m stuck. so stuck in this little world. why is it that no matter wad i do i m never happy.

i tried to control my emotions. it failed.

i tried to not be nice to pple. i failed.

i tried to control my own life. i failed.

its only all about wad others want.
when have others truly think about my welfare before?

i sat there for 4hrs.
at somewhere where i dunno.
a place i'm not welcome.
but yet i still stay. not cos i wanna play. but cos i know u wan me to be there.
as time pass i feel angrier n angrier, cos i feel damn uncomfortable.
but all u did was pressing me that i cannot be angry.
how will u feel if i leave u at a place that u dunno n pple dun welcome u for 4 hrs, n only talk to u 4 times.
i know my significance.

good nite. be safe.

understanding is not gonna happen. cos i know there's only anger towards me.
stop scolding me.
i m irritated easily not for no reason.
i m stressed. i m fed up with life. do u get me?
why is it me who always have to do everything.
why cant someone do something for me for once?

wishful hope.

but i love u. dont ever doubt it.

2009-02-16T01:03:00.001+08:00

HAPPY 2ND ANNIVERSARY!
i truely enjoyed today.

steaming hot!

woohoo!

loving more n more!

good nite

i love u!

happy 732 days. :)

2009-02-04T15:35:00.001+08:00

等于结束的爱情　
我和你从两个窗口看出去　
往事远远地　
演著一场无声的电影没人注意　
躲著回忆的身体　
帶领我和你的名字向前进　
作废的曾经　
留在离开你那天
挥不去　
因为太了解所以很伤心　
没有你只好听著风的呼吸　
却有种叫做时间的东西　
说没问题　
最后我们会痊癒　
因为太了解我无法坚定　
这一次会要掉眼泪的决定　
有些遗憾只能一个人听
很对不起　
我还是珍惜　
所有的事情

i do.

2009-02-04T09:53:00.002+08:00

i never thought doing something can be so difficult.

but that really depends on whether the person is worth it.

i get it. i'm not.

who'll go zoo with me?

who'll go road trip with me?

who'll go krabi with me?

who'll go aston with me n tell me not to eat too much?

who'll laugh at silly me for misinterpreting lyrics wrongly like pistachio, forgive MEH EH?

who'll go breakfast, lunch n dinner with me?

who'll teach me to bake?

who'll miss me?

who'll love me like i deserve to?

who'll appreciate me?

but i guess its all my wishful thinking. i've been waiting for someone to do something. silent. i got it. dun keep procrastinating n regret when its too late. thanks for all the love. i miss you too.

i miss you too.

2009-02-02T22:40:00.000+08:00

I told myself to never go see your blog. But little did i know i’ve got no self control. Yes i saw. I thot going away with u throwing my clothes on the floor and taking my things down for me, not saying anything at all will hurts. It feels like u cant wait for me to go. But little did i know that this will hurts even more. Even at this point u still did not get wad i’m trying to tell u. Instead of pondering about wad exactly when wrong, u push it to me again and saying that its all about me. Isn’t it time to start thinking alr? I always wonder, wad’s important in a relationship.. its not money, not sex, not gifts and presents. But love, respect and communication. I’ve always been thinking for u, about u, involving u, but yet have u thought about me? For once, i started thinking about myself n yes its wrong again. I m not wrong and i’ve never been wrong? That’s jus your spiteful statement. I always love u n it have never change since the first day we’ve met. It only grew stronger. But little did i know that this love will turn into something that u taken for granted. I’ve always been telling u don’t take me for granted.yet it still happened. I thot u’ll treasure this relationship, i thot u’ll treasure our love, i thot u’ll treasure me. But the fact that u’re still saying spiteful things n not really thinking about wad i say, gave me an answer. I’m always here. For u. But things will only happen IF YOU KNOW HOW TO TREASURE IT. I’ve been waiting, but u never come. The loving baby, the sweet baby, the caring baby never come. I gave my best for this relationship, but I’m sorry i’m giving up. Its too tiring to be the only one treasuring and guarding all the treasures that we shared. Cos it hurts, it hurts to be scolded, it hurts to be taken for granted, it hurts to ................... not be loved.

2008-11-15T01:21:00.002+08:00

Happy One Year Nine Months!

banana chocolate cake from awfully chocolate is quite nice.
but it tastes different when eating alone.

i will learn to eat chocolate. for u.

2008-04-15T00:26:00.002+08:00

i love u, gave u my best. every single best thing that i can give. my life, my time, my money, my frens, my family, my dream, my hopes.

so that u can be happy.

but yet, u shout at me whenever u're unhappy, talk to me irritatedly when u're upset, ask me to fuck off or shut up simply cos i'm asking u questions out of concern.

i know i love u.

that's y i wan u.

i dun wanna say too much.

maybe u're the victim.

2008-01-26T00:53:00.000+08:00

ok i'havent been updating for long long time!
if there's still pple reading my blog, pls sms at 91002190. stupid contacts ALL GONE!~ i cant find anyone.

to ning: i'm so sorry for not being able to wish u happy birthday. i guess i was too caught up with working. but love love k? next time come back pls ask me out!

to ling! sorry i havent been contacting u. like i say contacts ALL GONE! ahhh! call me k?

back to reality.
no idea whether life's consider good or bad. but i'll endure.

i miss u!
go home now!

i know i'm random, but these are all the things in my mind now.
all crumbled.

ikea's not fun when u cant buy the things u wan.
how to spring clean?
i'm a perfectionist if u din realize.

21st bday so wad?
the thing that i wan the most is not gonna be mine.
i rather forget about it so it wouldnt be so painful.
i waited 21yrs for it to come, but ya, never. maybe when i'm 80.

new year's coming.
will it be fun?

life's weird.

unpredictable.

i'm ugly monster.

need to diet.

need to plan.

but for now, gg to eat donuts. MUNCHY DONUTS.

till den.

i know you love me. many manys!

2007-10-01T22:50:00.000+08:00

I know I am the cutest.

I know I am the sweetest.

I know I am the loveliest.

I know I am the hottest.

I know I am the sexiest.

I know I am the Ming Hing Hing one!

I know I am the exceptional one!

I know I am the no-expire date one!

I know I am the ever lasting one!

I know I am Keith Tan's Baby NUMBER ONE!

Ming Hing Hing!!

2007-10-01T22:30:00.000+08:00

It didnt take long for me to...

INVADE YOUR BLOG!!!

*MING HING HING* YOU!!!!!!!

I Love You!
Don't Punish Me! =)

your precious baby.//clay

2007-07-19T01:01:00.000+08:00

OMG! how many mths din i blog?

i only hav a few things to say.
i enjoyed my trip.
i love u.
i wanna go for more trips.
i love u.
i wanna see all my frens.
i love u.
i miss all my frens dearly.
i love u.
you're my sunshine.
i love u.
& I LOVE U.

peace to the world.
lazy to type.
till den.

n if u cant get me at 91002190. pls get me at 91411227. :)

2007-02-24T04:43:00.001+08:00

dun bluff LO.
do u mind?!
killing me know!?!?
KEITH!!
ZAI!!!
shaun. (with no love in the tone)
jus a few tag line by the loves. omg.
how do u spell happiness? shaun+carrie+huiwen+zai+thunder+keith.

at her house.
had a great talk in her room. ahem. lol.
nothing much to say. except the fact that she took me to a realm to no others reach.
in love again.
so romantic la the whole atmosphere. :)
the songs are nice too.
most imptly is the company.
ver s fun. steamboat tastes extra good with her ard.

m i losing my mind?
nv like to feel vulnerable.
getting to me.
yet i trust her so much.
emotional attachment.
will learn to deal with it, for her sake.

:)
new yr. fun n great. loving.

2007-02-24T04:43:00.000+08:00

2007-02-13T02:00:00.001+08:00

i swear i should stop reading pple's blog.
first, i aint high. 2nd i aint drunk.
so i'll keep correcting their grammar n it annoys me.
n y y mus some PpLexXX acTuaLlY tYpE likE tHiShHh oNe wOrxXx.?!
killing me pls.

on the harder note!
i've no idea wad i deem to be normal amongst frens are wad some pple consider as flirt.
omg.
i dun deny i m interested in u.. but at this stage it means... interested in KNOWING U MORE as a fren.
i m not that scary. period.

its been long since i wrote the entry abt/for someone.
she means something.

n i miss THEY ALL! :)
stop utilising me! hahaha. nevertheless. love u all.

2007-01-30T01:06:00.000+08:00

gotta to the point whereby i dunno whther the things that i've done are correct or wrong. i love u all. isit me? or its really happening?

the wall i took yrs to build is melting. by a bundle of love that come in all shapes n sizes.

yet its scaring me. i'm too scared to fall, too scared to drop. wad if the same thing happened? or isit happening now? maybe i should jus pull myself out.

its been so long, since i last feel emotions flowing out of me. that 8 jnrs gave me heaven, gave me hell. i dun wish to go thru it again. i always hav this belief, with emotions come vulnerability.

dun doubt me. when i say i love u all. my They All.

if i do anything tell me, dun hide it. cos it'll eat u alive. our friendship are strong enough for that rite? tell me yes.

2006-12-13T23:03:00.000+08:00

wow!!! the revival of the twits wORxXx.. duNcH eUuUuU tInK iT'S rEaLLy tImE cOnSumiNg tO bE tyPinG lidAtXxxxxxX oNe lEhXxX??? hahah. that was the theme for our church chalet this yr. though it is self proclaim. it jus brings back memory of us typing lidat when we were young n assuming that to be tlre cOoL wOrxXx... hahaha.

i dunno when will be the next time i actually update this freaking thing. but ya. shall do it now i guess. not much to say cos i'm not in the state of emotions unstability. however i'm totally tired from work. will i actually adapt to that environment? will i made good frens there. apparently it needs time to prove everything. but so far bar is really tiring n pple are not really that nice. except a few floor staffs. wadeva. i will be fine!

seriously, leweena ng chin fen, u've no idea how much i miss u. i know its a futile attempt to profess how much i miss u in this entry or in any future entry. its jus a way to let out wad is inside me i guess. 4 yrs gone by, little did i know that everything, every memories with u are still so vivid in my mind. will i ever get to see u one more time n say a sorry to u? will u forgive me though till now i still dun understand wad happened...? i think i mite hav hutrt u but jus rmb that i love u the most. the love is still counting to date.

it was jus a moment for reminiscing n i realize i miss krystal, kailin, maylene n the 7 little royal family. will we be able to be close again?

life is full of unexpected shits. i dare look towards the future for fear of disappointment. yet looking backward will only pull u away from reality. wad should i do?

this question is profound.

till den.

2006-09-21T15:22:00.000+08:00

gone are the days where innocent spirits roam freely.
wad follows are the advocate of homeless bum.

will i survive till the end of the race?
or
will i succumb to the harsh reality of exam pressure?

siren bang.
chicken croaks.
cow meows.
dog purrs.
goat moos.
fish tans.
snake hiss.
lion barks.

tell me when everything is right pls.

2006-09-04T11:47:00.000+08:00

*not for the faint hearted

wait till today to post something for u. not that i forgot abt it. i jus din wan it to haf a substantial impact on my life.

was thinking of deletingthe previous post. however sometimes once said it can never be taken back. i know it mite jus signal the end of a ONCE REALLY CLOSE friendship. if that's the case then so be it. i couldnt careless.

or maybe i'm jus being a sensitive, dormineering freak? hey! maybe i should really delete it huh?

but anyway, ur present is with me. we'll see how to pass to u den.

[[happy birthday to u, happy birthday to u happy birthday to uuuuuuuuuuu. happy birthday to u!!]]

* i still do not see light at how to forget how i'm treated. (but i will delete the post)

2006-08-31T16:07:00.000+08:00

*i always feel so MISSED whenever i see new tag! :)

beside being a total lazy bum, she's being a total procrastinator.
its only end of PART 1 prelim n she feel as if its the end of the marathon.
worse, she spent the whole day reading COMICS BOOK, instead of gg to some school n showing gratitude to some of her benefactors.

maybe she misplaced her heart.

simple things like calling her darling tiffany, she'll keep pushing it aside n keep saying "tml... jus tml i will call!" tiff darling! if u're reading this, i think u should come to my house n slap me. lols.

yes will persevere on, its not a prob. jus 3 more mths to the end of the marathon. :)

(i thot i said till december?)

2006-08-22T02:30:00.000+08:00

NEW TEMPLATE!! lols

i'm very confused at wad m i actually feeling.
but i've decided to brush it aside and wait for further notice.
basically time will tell everything.
all i know is i miss certain pple more than i should.

i've come to this junction of my life.
its either break or make it. henceforth, i choose the latter. seems like the smarter choice.

now its jus mugging and mugging n mugging.

u mite be the one for me.

till december! :)

2006-08-16T00:00:00.000+08:00

qns: what wld u do if a bird poo on ur face?

ans: i will open my mouth, point at it den say, AIM PROPERLY! :))

hahas. shittified day. but someone brightened it. how simple can my life get? hahs.

well, went back home with rebecca after trg.. talked abt lotsa things, she sure makes my brain work man. lols. maybe i shld consider vegetarian diet too? i will wilt and dilapidate..

till long long time ltr den!

2006-08-14T00:02:00.000+08:00

its really the smallest thing in life that makes the grreatest impact.

halt! today i WILL NOT pin point on the person.

all i wanted to say is... an email is enuff to know whether a person treats u as a fren and appreciate u anot. dun blame me if i'm nasty to u. u asked for it. or rather u all asked for it. except for 1 i suppose. i care she dun care, i care she care. i dun care she care. now we both care.. but discreetly.

n to YOU.. trust me.. i will NOT tell u if i were to leave. so here it is. BYE N I WONT SEE U AGN. u truely disappoint me o the maximum times 10!

p/s: YOU do read my blog.. n if my fellow readers, if u start asking urself m i the one she's talking about.. n u have absolutely no idea wad m i talking abt den NAH.. u're not the one.. but if u were to know wad m i talking abt.. that person COULD be u..

till den.

2006-08-05T23:36:00.000+08:00

alright i'm in a i-really-dunno-wad-to-do-now-and-its-really-too-early-for-me-to-slp mood.
welcome to mine. CLASSROOM
and the topic i'm gonna discussed with my fellow reader(s) is " the power of thesaurus and english language."

the first word is "SEX"
according to oxford dictionary, sex = intercourse.
and thesaurus gave a few sycronyms to it.
[affinity, appeal, attraction, coition, coitus, copulation, courtship, desire, fornication, generation, intimacy, libido, love, lovemaking, magnetism, relations, reproduction, sensuality, sexuality]

now my fellow readers, do u see the power of english language? it gives u the substratal answer to the world most abstruse question. What Is LOVE?

so let's refer to above.
sex=love-----------(1)
sex=reproduction--------------(2)

maths formula applies here.
therfore (1)=(2)
love=reproduction
tada!! we found the answer to the question.

ergo, my dear readers, pls do say i love u perspicaciously.
because it can simply means, i wanna reproduce with u.

:)

till then.

2006-07-21T23:35:00.000+08:00

wow. din realized i actually sto blogging for so long.
laziness is jus EATING ME ALIVE.
one day, jus one day i'm sure blogger will close down my account jus like wad flashbox is doing to me.

trg jus finished.
n i realized whenever i finished trg there'll be one person in my mind. n it's everytime thing.
it spells something isnt it?
so i'm gonna dedicate something to u. though i know u wouldnt see this. or even IF u do see it, i guess u'll jus dismiss it as shemin is jus joking.
fine. i'm joking.

to CHAI KAI LIN (spelling out ur full name actually shows how confident i m that u will NEVER see this post. lols) :
anw, i dun think i have much to say....
but jus wanna let u know, u're one of the person that changed my character MOST drastically.
well for worst or for better it depends on individual rite?
i would say its bad.
i suppsoe u dunno that too.
jus miss the kailin last time.
period.
done with that.
now i jus know one thing.....
I MISS YOU.

n that island creamery person is AMAZINGLY gorgeous. or cos she looks like a combination of wan ting and emileen.
sometimes its jus not good to have all the good things in one body.
yet she pull it off so well.
lols. my inspiration to work there. hope u're still there when i graduate from sa.

i've learnt to look at thigns from another view.
surprisingly, it's greener happier and more wonderful.
its jus like durians taste nicer in malaysia than singapore.
lols. i suck at analogy.
period.

n i miss my girlfriendSSSSS. :)

till then.

2006-05-10T13:02:00.000+08:00

am i really wrong in everything i do?

am i wrong in taking things seriously?

m i wrong in caring?

m i wrong in being strong?

m i jus wrong?

i dunno the answer to all the question.
questions, emotions came crashing down on me yday.
we could have been the one playing at toa payoh.
so near yet so far.

woke up this morning.
no motivation to go school.
no emotions.
jus lost.
no zest. nothing.

sometimes i wish i were u.
so innocent.
so naive.
so dense.
absolutely contented with life
clueless to whatever are happening around u.
maybe i'm jealous.
jealous that u've no emotions.
fear to go near u.
coz u jus seems to have the life i wish to have.
n everytime i see u, ur life jus seems to get beta n beta.
n the worst thing is, u've absolutely no idea that ur life is so PERFECT.
maybe u should start to not look at things so positively.
not everyone is born good. most have an evil self in them.
n lastly, spare a thought for other pple's feelings.

will i collaspe one day?
strongness is jus a front.

i will go n support the darlings today. :))

2006-04-30T16:51:00.000+08:00

min2amelia: oh u know my blog? hahaha i thot its a well kept secret! n i'm proud of u too. U CAN RUN!! ahah. i thot u'll jus dance ur way thru 200m. hahah.

well my life is a screweeed up....... i foresee it to be even worse in the days to come. it've nv been good anyway. wad's good in my life will NEVER last. used to it alr la. lol.

take the pains away pls.

2006-03-11T22:34:00.000+08:00

it takes awhile for u to actually find out who are those pple that include u in their lives....

2006-03-04T22:36:00.000+08:00

i din dare to listen to this song for fear of gg thru that scene again.
but now wad pains me more, is..
the team that promise to fight tgt.
the promise of we'll get it next yr tgt.
the dream of not forsaking each other.
it was all a fallacy.
something that i created in a moment of fantasy.

nowadays, nv seems to haf the courage to walk near the netball table. maybe coz i'm afraid to see the genuine care n concern they haf for each other. n that remind me of my own dream. i'm sorry i wasnt of much help. maybe its all my fault. i wish u all all the best. but i wont gif up. trust in the Lord with all your heart n lean not on ur own understanding. will rmb that.

dream will come true.

2006-03-04T00:37:00.000+08:00

maybe its jus something about me. i din showed how i felt then. but the moment i saw the 2 of them walked up. i knew something was coming.maybe was jus too good at hiding emotions. but truely, it touched my heart. nv could haf imagined i will be treated like this. felt like a real king. truely loved n blessed with angels in my life.
some pple emphasize on socratic introspection. but i dun see a need to. certain things jus dun need an explanation for it. if its meant to be it will be. i nv questioned y. met the few of u. my huang hou, kazhua, gong zhu n zifei. u all truely light up my life, in a way u'll nv imagine. if u ever wonder do u make a difference in someone's life. trust me. u did. n that person dedicate this entry to u.

it was a sumptous dinner. one filled with loves and happiness and defenitely delicacies. but actually even if we're eating Ah Kun Kaya toast i will still be happy coz its the company n not the foods that touched the hearts(though i'll always rmb how we eat till we wanna puke! haha.). looking at the photos we took at Sakae. i'm overwhelmed by nostalgic moments in life. how we'll play ball during recess n after sch. sitting tgt before sch. crapping after trg. times when u all hafta put up with my nonsense. though it was only a short period of one yr. but truely its the happiest one yr of my life. that one yr will only be the foundation of where our friendship lies. where it'll be build upon. n for once i'm thankful that i got retained. not for any other reason, but jus to meet u all.

so many dreams i kept deep inside me. alone in the dark but now u all come along. u light up my life. jus wanna say thanks for everything. everything single things in our lives, be it good or bad. believe me. i wanna be part of it. u'll never EVER be alone alright? every single one of u, though we're in different jc alr. u'll be someone i hold dear to my heart..

class sang happy bday for me. though it wasnt much. but really its the thot that counts. den my little track team celebrated for me too. nv knew such a individual event sport can be so fun. but now i know. its SAJC Track & Field team. trg ended early so went to eat tau huay as usual. everyday is tau huay day rmb? :) got little hiccups there, den miss tan treated all of us to tau huay. n i got a surprise.! pong bought black forest cake n everyone celebrateed for me. a pleasant surprise!! thanks tiff, cranky, mfgf, pong, miss tan, ah bao, yew wei n the rest. truely touched! lastly vball team also celebrated for me. though short but it jus brought smiles to the faceeeee. :) lovesss!

010306. the day to remember. love felt. happiness enhanced. prayer answered.

HAKUNA MATATA!!

2006-02-25T23:28:00.001+08:00

i tink i'm suppressing something that's waiting to evolve from within me.
yet everytime something happened, it got rekindled once again.
a good example. my dream.
(that's for u)

everything that we do tgt, it reminds me of her.
someone that i miss too much.
its conforting yet distracting, especially in crucial times like this that will actually decide ur future.
i dunno how i feel.
there was this person, she reminded me of all the bad things that someone did to me.
but u... u simply showed me how innocent life can be.
if i really plucked up my courage for everything. trust me. u'll be the happiest person on earth.
cant gif u the best in the world.
but i will gif u the best i can.
i missshh euuuuuuuu..

4 more days to impt dates! :)

2006-02-02T13:46:00.000+08:00

ok everybody repeat after me!

i will make it a point to update at least once a week!!

maybe i should stop running away from things. it gets tougher we all noe. but its not the time to give up now. rmb, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going! :)

i will survive.

n now i officially announced i am the God of Gamble.
lol. won over 300 bucks n this happened every yr. maybe the new casino is meant for me. lol.

till then

2006-01-19T22:53:00.000+08:00

i miss u.
i really do.

the beginning of the yr.
started really badly.
fell for someone that i shouldnt.
did something that i ought to be shot for.

but all i wanna say.
i tink 2006 is gonna SUCKS!

2005-12-19T00:28:00.000+08:00

I FOUND IT. I REALLY FOUND IT!!!!!

but is it a comforting thing? i dunno. i jus find myself missing u more n more each time i read it.

the all-i-wan-is-to-see-u-one-more-time feeling is getting stronger.

n in times like this when i'm like this useless irritating bum, i think i wouldnt dare to see.

well. wad can i say? even pple that i hope will bother actually dun.

maybe i'm jus that insignificant.

2005-12-14T01:24:00.000+08:00

i jus added NEW WISH LIST! take initiative pls! haha.

i am waiting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-11-26T23:16:00.000+08:00

though u're my companion n love for the past 1 month. i love every part of u. from ur body to ur ribosomes, i vow i really love u. especially the legs. (LOL!) but the ending is DISGUSTING!!!!!

2005-11-26T01:30:00.000+08:00

i'm motivated by ma xiaoling, that i will not drop a single tear. little did i realized that its harder than i imagined it to be. yet, i'm still succeeding in doing that.

life's not the kindest thing on earth. jus when u wish u can jus crumple n let everyone else do everything. u realized ur biggest enemy is actually is actually urself. den when u decided to stay strong. life decided to play a JOKE on u. everything come AT ONE GO.

jus quarrelled with her. isit so hard for u to jus look at things from a positive view? muz u always look at me as if i'm some satan reborn? if u do hate me so much, pls, gif me some time to sort out everything i will leave. u said u care, where? which part.? sorry ur care n concern is jus like a time bomb. i dunno when its care n when its gonna be a calmness before storm care. everything i do is wrong. muz everything need an explanation. i've alr been hurt very deeply by my own teammates, u're my only immediate family, muz u make me go thru the same thing too? i tried, really, to my utmost best to actually pls u, make u happy. but nothing i do actually prove anything. its jus a shadow to u. or a front to help me achieve my target. but haf i asked anything from u? i only asked one thing in my whole entire life from u, n that's for u to be happy n healthy. since young, u taught me to be independent. or rather i should say, i was forced into learning it. tell me, who will be happy facing the 4 walls the whole day. when i needed someone to help me to make a simple decision, someone to take something for me while i was doing something like bathing, i asked for ur help. to my realization, u're not at home. silence greeted. u're not there. i know it's tiring for u to be out the whole day, so i tried to not to make u worry. yet the moment u come home u decided to find faults in the tinest things anyone can find. so i left house early come back late to avoid seeing u. its all predestined, u win, u're later den me. i know i love u. i jus doesnt know how to express everything to u. n its the same for u. i tried to gradually improve the relationship, it was to no avail. someone once told me, "be careful wad u wish for, coz it mite jus be true." i nv once dare to wish u'll be gone. coz i dun think i will be strong enuff for that. life had taught me that things are everchanging, u wouldnt know wad will happen the next min. so everytime when u leave my sight, there's always this fear that u mite jus not be there anymore. the later u come back, the more worried i am. n when the phone rang my heart beats so fast it feels like it'll jump out from my mouth. i m afraid it will be someone telling me u met with some mishap. i jus wan us to be able to talk without screaming at each other. to be truthful to each other. but this route seems so farfetch. i dun ask for anything now, jus wan Him to let u be happy n free from any mishaps. if the condition for that to happen is for someone to take it for u. i will gladly take it. i love u.

maybe i m or haf been thinking too much. but y m i so strong? or isit jus a front? actually i'm the weakest creature on earth. in 4 days, the tears welled up n went back in more than 60 occasions. strong is jus a fallacy everyone created for me, n i slowly fell into that fallacy too. now when its time for me to collapse n fell, i din know how to. or becoz i cant. i need to be the pillar, i need to be strong. i need to be the shoulder den being the one borrowing the shoulder. I DUN HAVE THE RIGHT TO COLLAPSE.

little did i know that i've been missing u for the past 3years 3mths 9days n still counting. i jus wish to see u another time.

the tears. more than 61 times now.

2005-11-08T23:26:00.000+08:00

i will not drop a single tear.

2005-11-07T23:58:00.000+08:00

y do i wanna blog when i dun even know blogging do WAD GOOD?

the only thing i hafta say is, finally i realized where i stand.

nv knew it'll be that hurting when it come out from the pple closest to ur heart.

too many things are going thru the mind.

i jus need a word.

to tell me i'm not such a useless n detestable person.

i nv knew i'm that pest.

i guess i shall make myself scram.

sorry to bother u all.

2005-09-22T16:33:00.000+08:00

the next entry mite be a long long time later.

you know i wont run away. i will always stay till the end. its jus me. though i said something else but in my heart it means another. trust me, think of me whenever u need someone, coz i will definitely be the first to be there. without a doubt.

I'm perplexed by the queer things that happened yday. even now, i'm still baffled at what has been going on,and what has happened. is it wrong or right? i guess it's wrong because we're supposed to be moving on.

I try to push away the constant thoughts, the wanting, the need, the love, replace it with numb calmness and dead oblivion. i'm succeeding. :) halt to the king! we're not pathetic, we're not miserable. and it's okay that we're going un-noticed and forgotten. at least, we're following our hearts in what ever matters concerned. hohoho how true. :)

[[In the years to come.
Will you think about these moments that we shared.
In the years to come.
Are you gonna think it over?

Nothing lasts forever though we want it to.
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you.

Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in your heart
Is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me
Though its the hardest thing to say
I miss you in every way.

In a year from now
Maybe there'll be things we'll wish we never said
In a year from now
Maybe we'll see each other
Standing on the same street corner, no regrets

Each and every end is always written in the stars.
If only I could stop the world, I'd make this last.

And when you need my arms to run into
I'll come for you
Nothing will ever change the way I feel.
Because a true love never dies. ]]

i guess its all summarize here. u play a major part in my life, u still do n u always will.

i wish i nv wake up today. the moment i do, part of me seems to be missing n OUCH. fuji apple save the day with a few cherries n strawberries accompany! :)

realized i've nv tell u something. maybe one day u'll know wad's that.

[[464779686295363]]

till den.

2005-09-15T14:37:00.000+08:00

i have absolutely no idea wad m i feeling.
maybe i'm too afraid to accept wad happened to the extend that i fear getting anywhere close to that.
the emotions are stirring.

y do i feel like i'm reliving those nightmares.
i will do anything not to feel that way.
n i mean anything.

i saw the state of my heart in future.
not here nor there.
juz, gone.
gone with the wind.

questions have been ringing in my head.
i m not perfect.
i m not saint.
i m no angel
but its the love n faith that keep me going.

i guess it should be time to let the head rule over the mind.
i hafta grow up.
simply, i'm afraid.

should i stay, should i go?

till then.

2005-09-12T14:24:00.000+08:00

let me see.
highlight of the week. SORE EYES. SHIT!
n i seriously mean SHIT! lol.
forget it. wad's done cannot be undone. -bite my mother-

alright. i cant go back to where i used to be. it wont do me or pple ard me any good.
trust me when i say i'm not a nice person.
dun push it idiots!
:)

had a phone call. omg. a phone call that i've waited for 4 yrs for. a phone call that i nv thot will ever come. haha. 6 hrs of chatting n we can chat even more. but due to her stupid FIANCE! she gonna go. f**k that ass**le! lol. hey, i know u read this, so ya, sometimes doing things on impulse will only make u bruise ultimately. think properly alright? need any help feel free to come to me. :) yes i'm an angel! hahaha. n ya wad u said make sense. i will think about it. its hard for me to stand up agn. one time is enuff to kill. u know it. but i will give it a try. n, we'll be colleagues one day. that day will come. :)

read some articles somewhere. dunno y the protective gear programmed itself to start working again.

i swear i have very STRONG gut feelings. promise me. dun hide anything from me.

n ya, maybe all memories should be gone from my brain. coz someone said. since memories cant be relived again then y bother to keep it. how true.

nothing to say. dun feel like saying.

till then.

2005-09-09T23:49:00.000+08:00

i finally found the answer. thanks.

it took me 3 freaking long years to find that out.

it feels like an egg broke, and all the contents inside juz came rushing out. get wad i mean? everything juz seems to make sense. al least for now. it feel so.. good.

did i juz mention that i had itchy eyes?!

n thanks for letting me know the ans. :)

till then.

2005-09-03T23:11:00.000+08:00

oh dun u juz love teachers' day?! haha.
u'll know secrets about ur teachers that u nv imagine u'll know when u're in that school!
now u're out, u feel like u're part of the big big AUTHORITY circle. when they'll let u in with teeny weeny GOSSIPS!! lol.
like who is dating who.
who's gf/bf look like jon J/pamela andersen, or looked too sorry to even describe. LOL.!
fill me with more! :D

i did some studying today. cant say i'm totally productive. but hey! i study din i?! :D
i concluded that i have very very short attention span.
a few hrs in woodlands n awhile in cck. den that's it. i cant take it anymore. haha. suppsoed to go to east coast for bbq. i'm surprised she actually asked me to go. n she say she'll pei me! ahha. -look at knee-
i tink i beta dun. :)
ENJOY URSELF!!! -waves-

i feel like an angel today! -beams-
how nice it is to feel angelic.
come everyone! special request?
name it n u shall get it.
area only range from woodlands to jurong, or woodlands to sengkang.
price: depend on my mood. lol.

she woke up in the morning, only to feel this lostness. thinking about wad's gonna happened or wad is happening she realized she missed someone more than she's supposed to. suddenly lose faith in wadeva she believe, she decided to live that day like a living zombie. maybe she is destined to be lidat. only able to see pple around her happy, yet she herself feeling like a fool, someone who dun deserve anything. she is used to it. she teared.

i can feel IT coming. shit! lol.

till den.

2005-09-01T15:20:00.000+08:00

i can never haf the life that i wish i have.

u like my life? take it. i'm sick of it.

dun haunt me. i'm fragile.

max.

revive.

please.

till den.

2005-08-31T22:16:00.000+08:00

2 days of blogging. woohoo!

had teacher's day celebration. trust me. its the most pathetic one i've ever seen. fun here and there but nothing compare to previous ones. the atmosphere is juz, wrong.

n i guess i feel out of place there. i dun care abt anything anymore. if that's how pple wanna treat pple den go ahead. u know wad? i dun gif a SHIT. pple were once special but if they wanna judge others juz by looking at things from the surface. they are not worth ur attention at all.

random. :) "wadeva that lift u up mite be the ultimate one to make u fall." how true.

had a dream. i dreamt of u. it was at a swimming pool (dun ask me y there i dunno either). crowded to the extent of suffocating. saw u amidst the crowds. chase after u, but u disappeared. not long after, went for lunch with a bunch of kakis, n saw u there. went over n said hi, n we actually hugged each other. smiled n sat down to talk. den someone came over n exclamed " wad is she doing here?! never expect myself to ever see u again......... but i miss u." den we hugged too. n she sat down to join us. how nice to reconcile. :) den me n u talked for really really long before we go to east coast together. talked abt everything under the sun. heart to heart i guess. n juz before i ask the impt question, u disappeared.

it had such a big impact on me, i cant get it off my head the whole day. wad does it mean? doesnt know. i will know in due time. i hope.

pple once said, i mite haf a strong front, but i haf a vulnerable character to pple that i actually care for. n normally when i care, i really care. then those pple will take me for granted. how true once again. den only when i gave up caring, they realized the impact i had in their lives n try to make me come back. sorry, feelings lost will never be the same again.

kbox is really fun. thank little girls. :) more next time k??

i fell too deep. all the talks we had. u can be totally truthful to me. n i will be towards u. haf anything to ask, juz ask. dun hide anything alright? if not, one day the doubts mite become misunderstandings. i'm stronger den u tink i am. at least i will try to be. everything are safe with me. coz u know u'll be safe ard me. i will do everything i can to protect u.

am i thinking too much or its really the way i tink it is?

everything seems to go wrong nowadays. n i mean seriously wrong. but all it takes is a smile from u n it sets everything right.

love is juz a word until u gave it a meaning.

till den.

2005-08-30T23:09:00.000+08:00

i'm a contented shit. trust me. little things made me happy.
:)
u've no idea how happy i was. din know how to react coz everyone were there. i know i looked emotionless. but that's my face i guess.
yes i'm damn surprised n happy.
thank u. :)

i know i summarized too much. but no words express my thots.
dilemma #01 - do i go beach tml or go back to sec sch?
dilemma #02 - should i buy that pair of NEW shoes? :)
dilemma #03 - wad in the world am i thinking?

i tink i'm turning weird.

that's not a new label. its me! :)

i love cha ye dan. for certain reason.

till den.

2005-08-27T13:23:00.000+08:00

yes i did it ONCE AGAIN.
do i need to repeat the same mistake TWICE?
pulled the same ligament 2 times. how am i gonna ever recover?

but juz when i was at my most painful period.
she keep flashing in my mind.
n all i can tink about was, i need her.

maybe, juz maybe one day it'll turn out to be beta.
we'll talk. heart to heart and thrash everything out.
pretenting to care and ACTUALLY caring are very different thing.
i rather we be straight forward n tell each other straight then pretending to care for fear of hurting each other.
the most basic thing of any relationship is trust.
yet this is the thing we lack.
tell me everything is not a wrong choice.

i m stronger than i imagined i m. (i hope)

till den.

2005-08-21T22:56:00.000+08:00

oh shit wad haf i done?!
did i juz read that?
i thot i told myself nv to read any?

one entry if enuff to confused me though.
ok now i'm confused. totally.

n u know wad. u touched my heart, my soul. wad makes u different, makes u beautiful to me. When i look at u, i see something rare, a rose that can grow anywhere.And there is no one I know that can compare. u don't know how u touch my life. all in so many ways. u taught me what love is supposed to be. i saw the little things that make u beautiful to me.
that wasnt sweet talking. i meant it from the bottom of my heart. as each day passed, i'm surer of wad i wan n how i feel. but i'm juz scared to try.

i juz hafta keep psycho-ing myself.

so much more to say but no words can express it. but i juz know. imu. i really do.

phone call! :)

till den.

2005-08-09T21:28:00.000+08:00

all my life.. i pray for someone like u..u're all that i ever wan.. u turned my life around u picked me up when i was down.. when u smile, everything will be alright..

i tink i'm a bastard.(random but true)

cant shake certain things away.

i've seen enuff of the world to know that u're all i ever wan now.
i spend each day here waiting for a miracle.
call me foolish.
promise it'll be the last time i'm like this.
i wont let myself repeat the same mistake.

i hafta start doing things that i OUGHT TO do..

till den.

hohoho!~

2005-07-31T00:46:00.000+08:00

omg! the last time i ever blog here was like how long ago?!

well finally i haf things to talk about now..

its about [you]..
juz now we were on the phone..
talking about blog..
haf absolutely no idea y do i feel this pinching kinda pain in my heart when i think [you] still care about her..
and it seems like u're juz nice to everyone..n i'm juz one of the many many.. i'm lost..haf no idea wad should i do..
but there's something i juz wan [you] to know..
i am really serious, no one makes me feel the way u do, u're such a special girl to me.. n u'll always be eternally.. u've no idea how much u mean to me..

at a loss for words.. until i know wad to say. till den.

~` u're really a dream come true..pls..let the dream really come true..

2005-05-25T22:53:00.000+08:00

everytime i wanna say something, i forgot wad i wanna say by the time i reach my com...
yeah!... i finally know the reality of life.. i learned it thru the HARD way..

to my teammates:
though i know u all will nv see this..coz u all dun even know i haf a blog.. but to rox, milk, cheryl, sand, huei, jas, laylay... i'm sorry i'm not contributing anything at all.. i thot i could improve.. i thot i could provide some help.. i thot i will at least gif some support... i thot..... but everything was juz the exact opposite.. i really mean it when i say i care n love all of u.. u all gave me the strength i nv had when i was at my lowest moments... little gestures like saying u wouldnt frenz me if we lose, like setting balls to me, like standing juz behind me to bao gong while i'm spiking, like walking around th botanical garden n chatting with me, like ponning GP n haf a heart to heart talk with me..like bickering with me over our tones.. like going home with me.. but yet.. all i do was nothing! nothing to contribute at all.. good balls or bad balls i juz remain this emotionless face, n when i'm emotionless, i affected u all, making u all think i'm angry.. n if i'm really pissed off with myself, i affected u all, making every balls that was given to me, wasted.. i became lazy, became complacent, became proud, became a BURDEN.. became useless.. but i nv thot i will meet such nice pple.. furthermore, as my teammates, though we haf our fair shares of fights n stupid coldwars, we forgive each other very quickly.. i thank God for all of u in my life.. really, each n everyone of u is a gift, a really precious gift to me..
but i'm sorry.. i juz wasnt good enuff.. i hope i can be useful too.. sorry..

to my mother:
yes i know typing here no use.. i ought to say it to u personally..but i juz couldnt let down my pride to do tat.. i'm sorry tat i'm always so rude, so harsh, so expressionless towards u.. i juz didnt know how to express.. n i'm juz always so harsh to the pple i love the most.. i know days are unpredicted, n i hafta treasure everyone ard me.. i did for everyone... but not u.. the pride in me, the irritating pride in me which i juz cant let go.. i'm sorry.. but i really love u alot.. coz u're my mother..

yes xiaoning.. i did learn something today.. i learnt that i was no where near ok.. i learnt i was no where near the others.. i learnt that i became complacent..i learnt that i became lazy.. i learnt that i wasnt of much help.. i learnt that i juz wasnt good enuff.. i learnt that i need to find the missing pieces back.. i learnt that i hafta improve.. i learnt that i haf really nice teammates...

so much to say, yet so little words to express..

2005-05-21T17:11:00.000+08:00

have u ever thot abt this..... wad will u do if the person or thing tat can make u happy is the one that hurt u the most?!

school hasnt been good..
something that i thot to be PERFECT all the time seems to be gone.. its no more!

~*sorry i'm lost for words......

2005-04-11T20:16:00.000+08:00

replying tags now!
sher: hahha.. once in a while come see how ur king is getting on is a good thing!come more often k?!:D
dre: haha..andre how u find my blog de?
vera: love love vera too!haha...it's my pleasure to listen to u know?:D
tongkatali: haha..wad a name!wad it means huh?
celly:hahah.. i can write well k? u is the do NOT underestimate me!hahhaa...love u many many TOO!
jing: i WAN MY HUNNYJOYS!!!GIF ME!!!-GROWLS-
kai: hunny joys are MINE! no fighting with me!be nice to me maybe i'll gif u?!hahaha..
owneh: i wanna see my bro!!hahhaa...i miss him.. i bet u n him miss me more la!-blushed n run away!-hahaha...

_____________________________________________________________________

i promise... if we have another to meet them again, we'll play to our fullest potential.. we'll win them...

i dunno how m i feeling now.. no words describe it.. i feel bad,feel disappointed, feel sad...n numb... which is the worst feeling..

nothing will bring us down.. we're not a lousy team.. we're a really good team.. we strive beta for the next one.. it will not be SAVB without anyone of u....

dun gif up... we lose nothing !

2005-03-09T00:35:00.000+08:00

What is love?
When we claim that it is love that we have for someone is it correct?
Here is something to ponder upon:
Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught within your chest?
It isnt love, its like
You cant keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right?
It isnt love, its lust
Are you proud or eager to show them off?
It isnt love, its luck
Do you want them because you know their there?
It isnt love, its loneliness
Are you there because you know thats what everyone wants?
It isnt love, its loyalty
Are you there because they kissed you or held your hand?
It isnt love, Its low confidence
Do you stay for their confessions of love because you dont want to hurt them?
It isnt love, Its pity
Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
It isnt love, Its infatuation
Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?
It isnt love, Its friendship
Do you tell them everyday that their the only one you think of?
It isnt love, Its a lie
Are you willing to give all your favorite things for their sake?
It isnt love, Its charity

So what is this called love?
Does your heart ache and break when they are sad?
Then its love
Do you cry for their pain, even when they are strong?
Then its love
Do their eyes see your true heart and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
Then its love
Do you stay because a blinding incomprehensivable mix of pain and relation pull you close and hold you there?
Then its love
Do you accept their faults because they are apart of who they are?
Then its love
Are you attracted to others but stay with them faithfully without regrets?
Then its love
Would you allow them to leave not because they want to but they have to?
Then its love
Would you give them your heart, your life and your death?
Then its love

Now if love is so painful and tortures us so why do we love? Why is it all we search for in life? This pain? This agony? Why is it all we long for? This torture this powerful death of self?WHY?

The answer is so simple because its LOVE Its such an addiction that even people who dont have love wish to experience it and share it.

and now.. i'm sure............. i love YOU....
if u ask me y..i also dunno the answer myself.. maybe it's fate.. or something tat i owe u my previous life..

2005-03-08T00:24:00.000+08:00

ah ha!another 2 weeks of fun!hahaha... den it'll be slogging time le la..
well will be very busy this few weeks.. but i guess it's all worth it isn't it?

n it's getting scary to see pple.. especially some..
i gave up trying...
if it wanan turn out tat way let it be..
i gave my best...

i've come so far to know in this reality, things dun last....
n u made me realized tat...
n lastly...i dislike YOU!

2005-03-01T10:55:00.000+08:00

she woke up with butterflies in her stomach thinking that today will be the BIG day...with anticipation, she went to her alma mater, every second was an agonizing moment.. now it comes.. she got her results.. her teachers crowded around her..she wept, for sadness or happiness she doesnt know.. it was more of the gratitude she haf for the sch n teachers.. the race was tough.. the supports was tremendous..

today is her bday.. it's juz another day... no one rmbs anyway.. but the saddest thing was...she actually discover something on this day...

to you:
dun worry...today, it'll be the last trg i will go to... thx for the happy moments in the past..

~* happy bday to me...

2005-02-22T13:47:00.000+08:00

i can be sure i wont go read certain pple's blog le..
hahha...
there's juz this thing in me...i know certain things will hurt me..yet i keep going to do the same things agn n getting hurt all over agn!hahhaa...quite dumb. but learnt from it.

n since no one cares about this blog...den forget it..

anw one last thing... learnt to accept certain stuffs liaoz.. u wanna change it's ur prob.. all i know is that i haf clear conscience.. i tried my best to be the best... if u dun appreciate it.. it's ur prob.. i wont force u.. but i'm happy i did tried to make a difference! (".)...

anyway sayonara... i'm fine with pple treating me like shit.. but i dun treat myself like shit.. i know who holds tml...

2005-01-28T23:38:00.000+08:00

haf u ever haf this kinda feelings..
u're very troubled by something but u haf no idea wad exactly is bothering u?tat's wad i'm feeling now i guess..
i'm sorry...
i know i haven't been a good frenz a good wadeva u all wish i am..
i'm really sorry..
i juz wish i can hold myself beta..
but obviously..
i'm sorry....
i feel very bad...for losing my temper at u all, all the times nowadays, den after tat regret it..
maybe i should juz withdraw from everyone...
i duno wad's wrong with me...
i'm really really sorry...
i know i'm wrong..
sorry.....................................................
it seems like everyone are so far away...
when i need someone.....
i dunno who to turn to....
or isit me who turn my back on everyone?
i'm sorry.....i'm so confused now...
it seems like i'm getting further n further from my dream....from my toa payoh...
i juz need my confidence back...
my self back...
anyone saw it?

to everyone: i'm sorry.....

2005-01-07T22:03:00.000+08:00

alright!i'm back after 5 days of tormenting, energy sucking, yet fun till death SAINTS orientation 2005 SAINTIERRA!!!!...hahaha!

actually the first it was like...
omg..y m i in this OG?!y so sian one...even the OGL also like sian sian blur blur 1!haha...subsequently..pple began to open up to each other...hearts are in the waking here!!haha...

day 1!!
alright i hafta admit tat it wasnt the funniest part of the orientation..we had all those administration stuffs to do...which totally juz bored me to death la.. i was actually thinking...y is my OG so sian?nobody bother to interact with anyone..n in the end i also din bother to..so i stick to my teammates...luckily my teammates are there with me.. n also.. i keep going... "alliance alliance!come girls alliance!" haha..i know i'm stupid la..but tat was the only more calourful part tat day.. oh and... another part was...on the first day i was thinking how come our OGL so sian one... hahhaa.. well... in the end he turn out to be VERY LAME! Qns.. y is no one here bu CHANCE?!Ans...becoz everyone is here by car bus or mrt!!my goodness!*slaps forehead..hahhaa...

day 2!!!
we were split into S.A.I.N.T~! n me is in ILLIPIA! well i tell u ILLIPIA rox!!at least to me la huh!hahhaa.. den the S.A.I will always be together one!haha..we're the SAI! we learned our Lindy hop n watched lee wei song music school's performance.. it was kinda fun la..had alot of family time n kingdom time...so i guess it's a way to bond everyone together kind? the best for tat day was...OG18 become closer...like we'll tok to each other kind lor..it's the earliest i go home tat day too!hahhaa... reached home at 6 plus though...

day 3!!!
now come the exciting thing le la! we learnt the tori tori song dance.. n den learnt the college song!! Up Saints, Truest fame lies in high endeavour, Play the game, keep the flame burning brightly ever!(tat was the chorus)still haf sports version one know?...well it was fun during the kingdom time..we assigned jobs.. n we got CHEERS~ OG18 is doing cheers..with OG16!~*giggles.. dun ask me y i giggle..only some pple know..haha..but tat's not the point la.. the point is..i tink ILLIPIA IS THE MOST UNITED KINGDOM!!N I SERIOUSLY TINK WE'RE THE BEST KINGDOM EVER!~heheh... well, had mass staged games too... i went up n played this game of using the shaver to shave those cream thing from the balloons...but cannot burst the balloons... n thx everyone who cheered for me.. my OG18 n some from OG16 n some other pple..thx thx.. the best part was.. ermmm... CON- quest! we played like lotsa lotsa games.. alot of grotesque game tat in the end make me smells like POMELO! had alot of things happened during the gamesx... yue ying hurt her shin...vera hurt her eyes for awhile.. which make me realized tat, actually in this whole thing.. winning or losing is not the main concern.. it's eventually whether we worked together as a team n enjoy ourselves.. morale was low for awhile.. n my heart was aching for those who injured.. eventually.. things which doesnt kill us will only make us stronger.. n true enuff.. OG18 became very united after tat.. be it the guys or the girls, we'll all start to look out for each other.. n tat's the day our bond become so much stronger.. after tat.. we sat at the back of the gallery n start to tell each other something about OG18.. i din realized we were tat close n united until den.. n i haf something else to add.. OG18, thx for making my orientation such a enjoyable one..without u all.. i dun tink i will even wanna go to the orientation..all of u are the motivation for me to get out of my bed everyday..yan liang n rapheal, thx for being such a caring n great leaders, u gave me the role model of how to serve everyone.. guys, thx for showing me how gentlemen are like.. u guys are really sweet.. n the guys thank u for always helping me, supporting me.. without u all's support i tink i'll be mute by now.. the concern n care we showed each other truely touched me.. n believe me when i say i'll rmb OG18 all my life.. n i cherish u all.. love love!hahah..

DAY 4!!!
today is the finale day! n i can say it was the best.. ILLIPIA won the BEST MASCOT!!!n i tink we totally deserrve it la!hahha...thx OG14 for doing such a great job..but the other OG also did a very great job too... like OG 15 n 19 who did the identity!thx!!ours are so unique n nice.. n thx for making such a big one for me.. it's still with me n it always will be... OG20 n 17 for doing such a MARVELLOUS BANNER!! u all had define art in another way! n lastly... my beloved OG18 n Og 16!! doing the cheers was fun.. it's even beta when everyone juz participate n make the whole thing a success.. without the help of everyone.. nothing can be achieved.. the performance we had.. the things we've done.. voices we losed.. are all worth... because WE JUZ SIMPLY LOVE TAT DAY!! the disco n "campfire" were the climax! nv danced so much for the whole of my freaking life... i bet everyone LOVE IT! hehehe...

though many things will happened... n things will changed... but no matter wad... Lord i pray for the serenity to accept the things i cannot change... the courage to change the things i can n the wisdom to know the difference.. n i pray for the whole of OG18 to stay together.. everyone truely care n love one another.. trials n turbulence we'll all go thru together.. Amen!

*~fun and enjoyment were an understatement, it's all about the frenzship i found.. :)

2004-12-30T21:00:00.000+08:00

tml is the last day of 2004!!!
it is a really bad year..
but one major event n 2 good things happened...

i met my teammates n i met them!the 8 of them...:D

had frenly with nanyang today..i went to my OLD school with anticipation..yet dreading it as if i wish i dun hafta go..n true enuff..i played horribly on the first set..2nd set was not good either..but din play..we were too luan!..gei bie renqian zhe bi zi zuo...i was pretty affected by something i guess..it took me awhile to start to get my confidence n morale back..thanks for having weird teammates..hahah...well after e whole thing..i was very very very she bu de about something.. cant bear to leave the 8 of them behind...it's different when u go to a different school..i cant threaten wei n say dun bring her to school nemore..i cant bully sheen n suff n zhi nemore..i cant get excited over mabel chia with jerr nemore..i cant poke ting n sharon nemore..n i cant laugh at kai nemore.. it's like different?cant every recess go find them n da qiu already..cant every time haf probs n run to some already..n cant see them doing stupid stuffs n got punish agn..so while having frenly..i was like hoping the rally will go on n on n on n on n on..so tat the match will nv end n it'll forever be stagnant.. but guess leaving pple tat u love n treasure alot are parts n parcels of life.. i miss them alot now..maybe a little too much...they've brought to me joys laughters tears n stupid ideas.. the unity i see in them are in actual fact something tat i long for in my own team..but i've also learn i should not expect things from pple..but wad i can gif others... :D thanks for everything MY LITTLE ROYAL FAMILY... n i love u all from the bottom of my heart... remember...anytime u need someone..u can come n find ur huang di ok? i'll always be here de.. really.. n u all will forever be in my heart...

today yoong,chin,jas,qi,orchid can to my house for steamboat..it's a sort of celebration for new year n xmas..(abit late i guess..) n we enjoyed ourselves...actually watch sharks tale..but den in the end turn out...everyone is eating n NO ONE IS WATCHING...BLINK u all!hahaha...waste my electricity!but den it seems like i'm the one who refuses to off the tv...hahaha... u may ask y cheryl,sam,milk,rox,iona are all not here..i shalt gif a little summary!cheryl got a long story..(actually not tat long..)sam got some physical barrier..(shalt not disclose!)rox went for primary school gathering!!(blink n bite u!)iona went malaysia...(aiyo..take care la!)n milk!!!!here comes the big story.... she was injured..dislocated her knee or something..but i hope it wont be so serious!she say she hurt "tak" when she's in mid air!den the next ting we know she "OUCH!!" n lie on the floor...haha..den being funny she decided to slowly exercise her leg...n den the next ting we know she was bouncing abiout saying it was ok.. we din finish the match with them la...quite sad... but nvm..i tink everyone enjoyed themselves!

bye bye 2004...WEEEEEEEEE 2005!
n my new year resolutionswill be ......... get CHAMPIONS! n stretch myself to the fullest!! achieve OUR target n reach n overtake my GOALS!..n be a better person...:D

2004-12-22T13:46:00.000+08:00

this few days was actuallykinda busy... :D
sunday went ikea to buy present for pple...
monday trg with nanyang den eat at coro den went ikea n queensway!!n i bought a HARRY POTTER CD THAT CANT BE PLAYED!piang!*slaps!

yday had frenzly with woodlands ring sec... den went to eat n shop around... den me is the went malaysia..wow!

this few days haf been dreaming about weird stuffs...keep dreaming of my diao man sun nu...so scary...told her not to haunt me liaoz..but she still insist!haha... but the scariest of all was a dream i had yday... it juz totally remind me of the PAST...but the characters inside is not krystal, but changed to SOMEONE... storyline still the same...i woke up in cold sweat.. n den i suddenly very scared of HER..actually wanted to msg her...but i changed my mind... i realized i dun even wanna see her at all... gives me the creep.. juz cant help keep tinking about the dream...its that kind when u look back at the dream ur heart still ache kind... conclusion: this dream was the scariest i've ever dreamt of... n it'll take me sometimes to even wanna see her....

n i hafta update my blog more often!so that i wont be like now...actually got lotsa things to say...but it turn out that i've got too many things to say till i dun wanna say!hahah...

2004-12-16T22:26:00.000+08:00

suddenly feel like a drifter...like doesn't belong anywhere...well....
hahha....but....nvm...
wherever i go...
i wanna make myself useful for the team....
n achieve the goal....n the target i set for myself...

2004-12-16T16:37:00.000+08:00

when i found u, i found all the happiness that life can offer...when i found u, i found how impt it is to trust in commitment..n how wonderful it is to share heartfelt moments with someone so dear to u that u cant imagine life without them..i found strength in companionship n how necessary it is to be able to lean on someone in times of need...i found wad it feels like to support someone's hopes n to appreciate building new dreams together... i found contentment in realizing that 2 people can be open n honest with each other without having to pretend or see eye to eye on every subject..i found how special it is to accept a person for who they are n what they can bring to ur life in expected n unexpected ways.. i found that the greatest gift anyone can evergif to another person can only come from the heart, BECAUSE WHEN I FOUND YOU...I FOUND LOVE...(but too bad..i dun tink YOU will ever know this...)

i hafta announce this~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i saw xiaowei look alike today!!!!!!!!almost went mad with happiness?!?!?!well not coz i like her coz she look like xiaowei...but is coz she looks like xiaowei which brings back B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L memories of the times when i saw her in competition!xiaowei ahhh.....*mesmerize...hahha...n i keep pushing sheen to help me get her no. but den kai offered to gif me her no. coz she haf...but i readily declined...coz i say..wanna know someone muz be sincere...muz go ask her personally...but...but.... I DIN!!!:( din haf the courage too...not at that time when the whole world is there?!but...XIAOWEI LOOK ALIKE!!*went mad!!hahaha

juz came back from coro with shann,ting² n my diao man sun nu!ah!how frustrating when u haf a VERY DIAO MAN SUN NU!goodness gracious...we juz practically quarrel over NOTHING all the way...n she get amused SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO easily that she'll start to treat my knee cap as a vball n try to SPIKE it!dear readers...do u sense the frustration within?!but it was really fun...n shann juz remind me of kai..coz she keep going..."i feel like eating chicken chop!!"den awhile ltr she'll go..."i wanna eat mee RUBOS!"(that's how she pronounce that)..lastly she said"i wanna eat fish burger...the fish burger here is SO NICE!!"..n the only difference between kai n shann is......kai only SCREAMS for the foods...whereas shann actually will EAT those stuffs!*shake heads..n all ting² do is taking stupid pictures of me n my sun nu with shann's phone!!n den laugh to herself...*incredible!hahha...

tml is trg!!wooooohooooooooooooo........y m i so excited about it all of a sudden?!maybe coz it's a friday n can beat ball<----(da qiu!)?!hope tml will be a good day...n bring the team really together...

n saw those pple that i love n care alot are actually happy together...i tink i can rest assured le... it'll be the same without me...hahha...at least they are happy!:Di'll make a wish for u all...n i hope u all with always always be happy together as a team... :D jiayou k?ni men ke yi de!

i dunno whether i made the right choice...n since SAJC say...no one is there BY CHANCE...i shalt trust in the Lord n believe in it... i hope it's the rite choice n i'll be happy there..God...bless me...

2004-12-14T13:40:00.000+08:00

but if i let u go..i will never know..wad my life will be holding u close to me...will i ever see u smiling back at me???

only left 20 days...
but it doesn't mattrer...
i smiled coz i once have it..maybe it's juz not fated ba..rite?
u care so much but pple juz doesnt...
make do with wad u haf lorz...
i haf loved n lost somebody...

thx for the smiles u all haf instilled in my heart..
i will nv forget all of u...especially the few of u...

maybe i asked for too much..

i dun wanna lost the passion for my ever so beloved vball...
but my faith n confidence haf all been taken away...
i wont gif up so easily...bounce back!n i will be beta!~*bounce bounce!
hhahaha....

2004-12-07T13:11:00.000+08:00

"was thinking about writing about what had happened,however i didn't really want to talk about my problems now. after i got to my first sentence, i scraped the idea and decided to do something more discreet. i hate regrets, thats why i try not to look back at the paths ive chosen. no matter what, i know whatever road i take, the other choice would seem more appealing in the end -- call it human nature. updating this blog is sometimes really difficult, especially when i cant put into words how i feel. and most of the time, im thinking: what the hell am i talking about? im so tired of hoping; so tired of being nothing but a play thing to every person im with. i dont understand why some people dont take me seriously. i wish i could be more than that; more than some life size puppet for someone else to control. like a puppet, im nothing without someone holding on to my strings; im too dependent on people and i hate myself for that.people who know you on such a basic level always try to lend you a helping hand when you're in need, but you don't usually accept their help because you don't know them,even though you truly appreciate it.its like a .. courtesy thing;you don't overweigh their own load with yours. then you fall into this whirlpool of self pity and self hate; i'm falling, i'm drowning;and the worst thing is, no one can save me except for myself"

got the extract from someone's blog...
i din know it all comes back in a circle...
never knew i'll feel the same way as u do...
but maybe coz we're all human?

to God:
i'm tired alright?i tried..tried really hard...but everything to no avail..isit wad u mean by trials?den y dun i see the others facing it too? it's like i jumped over 1 hurdle..the next one is juz rite in front of me.. with no time to rest...when will the race ever end? pls dun create me, to see wad a fool i'll become.. i'm not as strong as u tink.. i haf faith in u, i put all my hope in u.. y...y muz u trampled on my hope EVERYTIME? if you hate me... tell me.. dun make me guess n start doubting myself whether i'm wrong agn...agn...n agn... i dun wanna everytime get this kinda treatment...

thanks....
i'm fine..

sunshine

2004-12-06T22:58:00.000+08:00

dun ask me y i put that title..

i missed the farewell party..

sorry....

a new beginning........

2004-11-30T22:35:00.000+08:00

this is the new blog of me!new beginning i guess...
but seriously no mood to blog...
but it shalt be a positive today i tink...
too speechless n emotionless to say anything...
till den... TADA!